VACAY!

..on a happier note..

I'LL 

BE 

GOING

ON

A

HOLIDAY!

unfortunately, nothing like that..

..but more like this!

its still a holiday, so yay!

-lady-

when so much is too much...

sometimes people leave and never come back, its called walked away , but sometimes people leave and they'll return, its called keeping the promise.

sometimes you just have to know, whether its worth feeling sad and mad when they dont come back, but sometimes theres no point thinking about it because they just dont wanna come back. 

most of the times, its difficult to let go.

most of the times, its hurt to let go.

most of the times, you just have to let go.

yes you've been waiting for too long, but dont think of it as a waste of time. think of it as that "process of knowing yourself".

dont think of it as a mistake that you should never endeavor. think of it as a "lesson" that you've now graduated with flying colours on the subject of "heart".

remember, God will not test those who cant handle it, He will test those who are strong enough to rise up to the challenge.

so who are we to question His quest? who are we to question His doings? who are we to question His plan?

however, God hates those who give up. its like you're giving up on Him too. dont give up before you try. dont give up before you even think about trying. 

i make this sounds easy, but believe me its not. i am not going to lie and say its easy, because IT IS NOT! but as you go along, you'll see it will just gets better, and easier.

there are just so much you can take and so long you can wait, but when its time to let go, you'll let it go.

because there are also so much that you can do and so little time you have.

when He's ready to give you what you need, and He knows that you're ready to get what you want, you'll get something better than what you asked for, and He says, its a PROMISE!

 

smile away

-lady-

I'll miss u monkey

Last night was fun........and sad! Monkey's leaving, and respecting his wish to not be name, shall we call him "David Gandy" (mind you, he's hotter than Mr Gandy anyway!).

Last night start with a good laughter, good friends and good food. You know when you're talking about good friends, there's this bunch of friends that you just want to be with regardless of the situation, the place and the time. Yup, thats right. Last night was this bunch of mates that just make things better even if its not. You know its like few hours of happiness, fuck the world for a while, and enjoy whatever it may. Last night was it. Its just that. It was fun, happiness all around, and sadness, but with such crazy freezing weather..you just dont know whether to cry or to smile..its that wicked!

But such a good fucking planner he is, he got us all cookies. To lift the spirit up, and make us shut our mouth. You know like "its rude to talk with a full mouth!". Its more KEEP CALM AND EAT THE FREAKING COOKIES like. Well, who can say no to Ben's Cookies? With different cookies in the biscuit tin, how can you resist? Well, quite honestly, you'll not be able to resist both cookies, AND talk with your mouth full. Very classy! ha ha.

 

Yum

Over the years that I've known him, he's full of surprises. Out of all surprises, this one hit us the hardest. How can I not see this coming? I kept asking him questions about his time here, and he kept giving me all these calm answers like it will be forever more till you can kick my ass out of London sorta thing. Such a good surpriseR he is, I failed to surprise him this one time. Instead, it was that ONLY ONE fucking time! It was his birthday, and the poor boy was sick. Hes down with cold. We were supposed to go for a paintball to celebrate his birthday, but it got cancelled because of that. So its fine. Then, my friend and I decided to throw him a "surprise" visit. Ha ha. Damn the boy was good, get caught red-handed because i was asking for a BLENDER. Dude seriously, why is it NO ONE believes me when i said i wanna blend chili paste and keep it in the fridge. Its such a fucking insult! Ha ha. 

I was so fucking confident that we got him, like he's buying my reason for coming over to get the freaking blender. NOT! We just got PUNKD, or should i say, I JUST GOT PUNKD. Fuck! I've lost my touch. I've lost my magic on lying. I was the expertise when i was younger. You know all sort of reasons to get myself out of trouble, and all sort of excuses to get myself out of the house for a night out. So, we knocked on the door, we were like "SURPRISE!", and he was like "Hi you guys!". I was like WTF is happening? Where have i gone wrong? Then he said "Do you actually think i believe that she wants to "borrow the blender to blend chili paste" wtnot?". Ha ha. Gotcha back! Damn the boy was good..

This is HIM..

1. He shivers pretty easily when its cold..i mean literally SHIVER!!

2. He's one hell of a GOOD COOK. Goodness me, even the simplest thing like sardines and plain white rice taste soooooooooooo good when he did it.

3. He got this amazing swag and sense of style, and like we always pretend like we got the best swag in town..more like "self-proclaimed" wannabes. LOL

4. He'll stand for the rest of the journey to wherever we go on a day or night out, because if he were to sit "it will mess my jacket/shirt/pants". ok, so i TOO have to stand with him for the whole journey, with LOADS of empty seats on the train. Ha ha.

5. Damn the bitch can dance. I mean CAN DANCE! Hes a fucking good dancer. Ladies, you should be ashamed of yourself, well i am! Just gonna shake my ass beside him then. NOT!! Ha ha. What fun is it to shake JUST your head or shoulder or ass, when ure out to DANCE?!

6. Last night, he literally took LACISM to another level, its fucking sick but we'll keep it ourselves. LOL.

Well, i am not gonna make it like i know him forever and that i know him best, but that's how i know him, for as long as i know him. Wonderful lad!

Oh, how can i forget our early morning trip to Harrods! Thinking the queue would be a mile long, and then we're second on the queue, or maybe third. We were there at 9am! A day after Boxing Day that was, thinking there will be sea of people queueing outside. Hell no! We queue under the rain, feeling cold. It was December. Oh do you remember that security guard "incident"? Well this bring me back to point no 3 above. That day, he was dressed in a military jacket. As usual, he'll look all sharp and dapper. While queueing, came this lady asking some questions about the opening hours or something like that, i dont remember. But hell its a coincidence, that he was wearing like that, and when we're second in queue, obviously we're exactly in front of the door. The lady asked him, thinking he was the security guard! That was so funny, we actually laugh our ass off! Nothing sore about it. Its always good to have someone who'll be able to laugh at him or herself. I do that too! "Bitch!! what you're saying?". Ha ha.

There are so many funny memories with him. Now he's going back for good. Aint got no homie no more. I will miss you dearly monkey. Also because he's leaving already, I was on a shopping spree last night at his house. FOC! Ha ha. Thanks love.

Shopping Spree

Have a safe journey home. Come back, and we'll re-create those crazy wonderful memories again ok? Maybe there WILL be a restaurant call Devdas when you come back to Harringay next time. Ha ha.

THNKS FR TH MMRS. Love you monkey.



we'll be friends for life

-lady-

The Funeral

Yesterday was the hardest day i've ever faced in the office. My boss's father passed away. A strong man like my boss, cried in front of me..literally cried in front of me, it broke my heart. You might find it weird, as an employee, how is that i get so involved with his family. But having working with him for more than 1.5 years now, i kinda know the family. His sons, his wife, his brothers..its like a family matters except that im uninvited. Well not like i invite myself in, it just happened.

It was just like any other day, except yesterday, he was extra happy, but its understandable because hes going on a holiday today. Him and his boys, theyre gonna go skiing at Megeve. Its normal for people to be happy before their holiday, especially as awesome as skiing at Megeve, yknw what i mean? It was a super busy day, as we tried to push everything before he leaves. I barely got time for myself since Monday. Workloads keep coming in, but its fine. Im used to being super busy. Plus, its always good to work as a team when both of us are in a good mood, and yesterday he clearly was so happy.

Up until late evening, he got a phone call from his sister. It was snowing (snow, sleet, hail, rain..u name it!) outside. So, I took a peek outside the window. We were trying to sort out some papers, basically i was there with him. So as i was staring outside the window, i can hear the change in his voice. Its that shattering voice like something had went terribly wrong, somehow i have a feeling that someone had passed away. Then he sat down, and actually cried, telling me "my father passed away".

It was heartbreaking. I cannot do anything but watch. I remember telling him to be strong, and go home. He cried and stopped to say "its ok!", over and over again. The strong man that i know, the boss that i looked up to, break down in tears in front of my eyes.

In the blink of an eye, the mood change. The room seems so quiet. Its all so sad. The whole building seems like a stranger to me. It feels unreal. Before he left he told me to not tell anyone in the company yet, as it couldve been a false alarm, or it might not be the case, but i dont know. People dont play around with death news. Its a terrifying moment of our life. Who wants to attend a funeral? NO ONE!

I kept it to myself. For the whole evening, i was trying to figure out what to do. Ive texted him saying "whatever happens, you and your family will get through it". I mean, i felt dumbfuck, like he is my boss! Should i text him, should i not text him, but i did. Sometimes i wish i was not in his room. I wish i was at my desk doing my work. I wish i didnt see him crying. I wish i didnt know the news. It was heartbreaking, seeing someone who you knew that long, be in that state.

8 hours everyday, for the past 1.5years, you tell me how can my feeling not get involved in such a powerful and sad event like this one?

But Allah swt loves him more, and hes now save with Him. I hope they'll get through this difficult times by being there for each other insyaAllah. Innalillah.

Al-Fatihah.

Everyone hates the funeral..

-lady-

Happy Belated Mother's Day

Last Sunday was Mother's Day. Me and my mom, we dont always see eye to eye. I think its because of our astrology elements as both of us are fire. I always wanna win, even if its with mommy. I always speak my mind, sometimes its not necessary to do so, especially when you're talking to your mother.

I remember she always picked me up for a dinner when i was still studying back at home and was living on my own (literally 5 mins drive from home), everytime when i asked her to. I remember she staying up all night and waiting for me to come home. The minute she knows im home, she turn off the lights and all, pretending shes already fast asleep. But the fan is still spinning and the telly is still warm. I remember calling her every evening when im at home saying "mommy, im hungry..come home fast and lets go for dinner!"

Me and my siblings, we always have our mom's secret. Her "openly" shopping addictive secrets that sometimes make my dad went crazy. When i say shopping, hers would be her furniture especially. Another was she secretly shopped for some "expensive" stuff, that she sometimes doesnt need it, but just for the sake of it. My papa doesnt know nothing about it, and when he does, she'll go "oh i bought it last time, i told u remember?" NOT!! Well, my papa just play along, i mean seriously? Theyve been married like forever now?! Haha. Dont you think he knows?

But as i get older, i become calmer and more mature. My parents and i, we can talk about almost everything. My mom knows what i do, where i go, whom i go out with and stuff. I find it easier to tell them, just in case you know. My mommy always tell me to go with my heart. Do whatever makes you happy. She'll never say no. Its their mantra "we'll happy, if our children's happy".

Sometimes i wish, i am back at home, with my family, not here alone. But in life, u gotta take the chance, it wont come twice. U gotta sacrifice something else, in order to get something out of it. But i know my mom is so proud of me regardless. After all theyve gone through BECAUSE of me and FOR me, at least i turn out alright. I've got a long way to go, but i know she'll be with me at every steps of the way. She takes me for who i am, she has seen worst, but i did turn out alright after all.

Thanks mommy for every single nag, every single penny, every single minute, every single patience, EVERY SINGLE THING. I could never repay you, only Allah swt will. But i promise you this, for as long as i live, i'll be the best that i can be and i'll do everything in my power to make sure of that.

Also, sorry for being such a rebellious crazy daughter. Sorry for making your life hard at some point. Sorry for all those long waiting nights. Sorry for being such a douchebag. Sorry for all those let downs over the years. Sorry in advance if there are anymore let downs over the next years.

I love you mommy. See you real soon.

Happy Mother's Day to all you beautiful, gorgeous mommy, mumma, ibu, ummi, mak, ma and every single of you strong mothers out there! Thank you for everything.

Mommy's favourite song

-lady-

Last night

Every night looks a struggle

Trying to find the warm side of the bed

Dont even remember the last time it was

Cause it has been cold since the day you left

Winter night is passing by so reluctanly

So long and so desperately unfair

The cold breeze brings your love to me

I can almost feel the kiss as the wind is blowing my hair

Too many sleepless nights that were not oddities

As i wide awake thinking of those possibilities

The future that could repeat the past

This present that i hope will not last

The cold night slowly turning dawn

Yet my body refuses the bed of my own

Alone i reach out for my ciggarette

Secretly wishing it will be the last pack

But it was not the last of those many to come

Just like these lonely nights that i succumb

Tonight i will still light up another

But tonight i hope it will gets better

-lady-

mid life crisis - 1st phase

So i went into Space.NK.apothecary the other day. The plan was to buy A moisturizer, but i got back to the office with more than just one moisturizer, i went back with TWO! The "problem" with people who have serious skin "problem" like me is that i have to keep changing my product. Its like a trial and error process. I've been using all sorts of dermatological products, that's including Dermalogica, Clinique, Murad..u name it! So, i went in, i know i only came for Kiehl's, which works wonder on my skin..AND cheap. So i start asking my favorite question "How can i get rid of these red pores under my skin?".

Then they start explaining bla bla bla, yada yada yada. But y'know, i always wonder like how the hell does this promoter or salesperson does it? how can they be so convincing? i mean, is it like honest opinions, or its just an attempt to lure customers to buy their product. I mean i know they were trained to talk the way they do, like damn believable and all. So this lady start explaining how this one particular product is so good because of the amount of some Retinol thing in it, and that i should give it a go, and then came another one telling me the same thing. So i was like ok yeah, i mean why not right? Then i asked for the price..my jaw dropped! WTF?! Haihh.

Thing that people need to know is that, i don't use expensive stuff on my face, well Kiehls are pretty affordable really. Honest! I NEVER buy any expensive facial products, like EVER, yet this one is so convincing, and i fell for it. It cost me a fucking fortune, well OK, maybe not me, but still. its crazy expensive, so it better work, or i'll fucking hunt them down as my office is just across the street (I LITERALLY said that to them!).

So i bought this ever so expensive and small tub product called Rodial. I told a friend that i bought it, and i said now feeling regret about buying it already. Told him imma check it out on the internet the review now, AFTER i purchased it. Ha ha. I sound like a proper blondie. So apparently he said, its a good product, as he's heard about it before. Well at least that makes me feel less guilty about my crazy fucking "mid-life crisis" facial product. Then i checked out the review, and mostly are good reviews, so by then, i am ok about my purchase, well perhaps still a tiny wee bit guilty about buying it, cause dude, its fucking expensive alright!

 

Rodial Glamtox Night

Also, because it was fucking expensive, and bet they feel guilty about asking an innocent lady with no money to buy such expensive moisturizer, they gave me a FREE Figuier candle, and i dont even know what its for, as in the past hour or so, i cant smell fucko from the burning candle, but a burning candle! Guess they feel so guilty, i even got some free lotion, body shampoo testers from other "exclusive" brands in the store. Its so exclusive, i dont even know what it was that they gave me, but with such purchases, they should've give me AT LEAST half of those available testers for goodness sake!!

Free Figuer candle

Its only my second time applying it tonight, as the salesperson told me to not over-used it as the amount of "Retinol" in the product is pretty strong, and it might has a side effect if i do. Well he bet i wont, i spent fortune on that and to just use it as and when i want? Fuck that! I'll be all stingy with it, make damn sure i will!

Well, i'll let you know if the money well spent or not..i mean it betta! Or i'll go MENTAL!

-lady-