a year ago today...

 

-lady-

midnight wandering mind

it is past midnight, and you're still wide awake. usually during this time, what goes through your mind?

based on my observation, human being is at it weakest before they go to bed. those few minutes, perhaps hours before you finally fall asleep, are the loneliest and scariest place on earth. how i wish once i put my head down on my pillow, it will take me straight away to the dreamland, but that's not always the case. when counting sheep doesn't help, your mind start to wandering elsewhere. its that time of the day where you start to think of the worst.

i start to think of all scary possibilities like where will i be once I'm dead, what will happen in the afterlife, how is life after death, how does living forever looks like, so on and so forth. these thoughts are scarier when you're "not ready". i hate having this thought. i hate the thought of not being able to be with my family anymore. how does the world looks like up there? 

then you're scared of the dark. i am not scared of the dark, i am saying those who are. you already have these crazy life and death thoughts, and then you have the current crisis and not being able to to blink because you're so scared of the dark. those who believes in ghost, and believe that "if i open my eyes, the ghost will be there. it will strangle me to death". double trouble that!

aint gonna lie. everything come straight to my mind when i cant sleep. its a normal thing, that u tend to think about stuff, uncertainties, plans, futures when your mind is wandering, but when it wander to the darkest place that you don't want to be, that's where you get all nervous, sad, scared..all at the same time. and all you want to do is close your eyes and go to sleep, hoping everything will be OK tomorrow.

i hate this part of the day, late at night, when you cant sleep, no matter how hard you try. my mind will start wandering to places that you don't wanna be. then I'll start worrying. then I'll start feeling sad and scared and depressed, all at the same time.

so when i cant sleep, i'll recite as many Al-Fatihah as i can, as many Ayat Al-Kursi as i can, trying to force myself to go to sleep. it definitely helps me to calm down, from having all those scary thoughts. but some nights, its just difficult to stop worrying about the worst, because its a reminder to myself , that life is too short to not ask for forgiveness, too short to not start repenting, too short to forget that the world is only borrowed. For who knows what tomorrow brings us..as for some, tomorrow might never comes! Wallahualam. 

1 In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.  
2 Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds,  
3 The Beneficent, the Merciful.  
4 Master of the Day of Judgment,  
5 Thee (alone) we worship; Thee (alone) we ask for help.  
6 Show us the straight path, 
7 The path of those whom Thou hast favoured; Not the (path) of those who earn Thine anger nor of those who go astray.

Good night love!

-lady-

name game

if these names aint making u numb, u too mustve been using such names before. this is like my "sweat the small stuff" kinda thing. weird name, weird spells, weird everything and are plain annoying. for all u know, its not even close to creative, its STUPID!

Numb3r5 & 5ymb0|$

- y3s! d0 y0u h0n35tly think th1s is CR34TIV3? l3t m3 t3|| u th15..HELL NO!

Its not your name

- so stop dreaming. your name is definitely NOT Diana Knowles, Mrs Gosling, or Dr Dolittle. NOT COOL!

UpPEr LoWEr

- whats that? like WHAT THE HELL is that? why cant u type like everybody else? wHy dO YOu hAve TO wAStE yOuR TIme tYPinG LiKe THis? I DON'T BLOODY GET IT.

Name and Nouns

- they shouldn't be put together VOLUNTARILY..NEVER! what i mean is, DianaCute or SuperhotDiana or DianaLovesYou. Oh God no honey, NO NO NO! its very distracting and MISLEADING. Imagine me having HOT in my name..and i turned out obviously nothing close to hot. dhuh? embarassing right? huh!

Mizspel

- the ever so famous things some dumbasses are doing right now. the fuck with "ew" at the very end of every words? THE FUCK? I cant even type an example for it cz its just embarassing to do so, and i dont know how to use it..neither do i wanna learn how to! So i found these examples from http://emilayusof.com/2011/11/kempen-bahasa-malaysia/     

"Aq suker makan nasi lemak jeww"

"Aq xsuke owang yunk gedikz"

Stupid names

- Goodness gracious me, i saw this one lad has this as his instagram's name and spell it like this..exactly like this "V4g1n4_m4$t3r" i was like? you freaking serious dude? VAGINA MASTER? the name itself is absurd! the way it is put together is..stupid! nothing's right about the name..but why? imagine if ur parents are reading those.

so if any of you have your names as stupid as these, i aint apologizing! screw you. its just dumb. whats wrong with the name that your parents give you? what is wrong with the correct spelling? cant get my head around it really.

well hey, its a name game..WOOHOO! 

-lady-

urgh..you're so annoying!!!

These people are annoying..through and through! Go away already..

1. Stranger who talk shits

I've never experienced this before, but ive come across it few times. While some people might find it very intriguing that strangers just come up to them for a chit chat. Ure lucky if hes not a dickhead, imagine someone who talk random shits and its a big fat lie. Even the eavesdropper..ME, finds it annoying!

2. Shopping bags on show

This is PROPER annoying. Like must u? I dont wanna be raining on ur parade, but honey, my Topshop shoes are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay prettier than your Ferragamo. And for all u know, tonnes of people around u too have Prada bags..tonnes of them! So stop insta-ing, FB-ing or twitter-ing ur handbags, ur shoes, bla bla bla..cz its dead annoying!

3. Selfie

Ive blogged about this before, but this is just too annoying it has to be part of this. We've all done it before, admit it, but those stupid selfie..are totally unnecessary honey! Captions like "waiting for this fella", and then your whole face on instagram (why oh why), or "i am sick" and then a selfie with one hand holding ur nose, while another is holding the camera/phone (bitch pelase).

4. Make fun of other people at their expense

This annoy me the most!! "Brainless" people who comments or responds on things that are not even related to them. Some people on my facebook hate TV3 so much, that i think abundance of his sins came from useless swearing at a "thing" called TV3. Why do you people have to be so aggresive? I mean, joke about it fine, but quite honestly there are other better things to do like..change the channel, or turn off the telly? And then this one vidoe about a "baby" who's declaring her love to her "puppy"  on some video. She's just a BABY! Leave her alone, but no..u went all out and bombarded her with bad aggresive words..which i dont quite get why!

5. People with no manners

Excuse me, Thank You and Please are the three easiest "magical manners" and its free, and yet people still dont know how to use them, and worse, they DONT WANT to use them!

6. Bitching on the social network

Bitch better be ready cause im comina getcha! is that not funny? exactly! why are u expressing ur dissatisfaction on the social network when u can get straight to the point to her/him. grow some balls, and settle it man to man..tits to tits! get out of my face u sour bitches! *bitchiness among foe*

7. Me Me Me

Oh God no. Please mercy me. Stop talking about yourself, over and over and over again. Stop saying that its ok to do so. Stop saying that other people should get a life if they cant handle u. Well honey, i'll tell u this, even u cant handle urself "mememememe" bitch shut up! So get a mirror, and wipe it clean so u can see it crystal clear alrite?

8. Not smart and yet very arrogant

..and they dont even know it. How is that possible u asked? It is possible my friend! They tweet, they preach, they talk, they posted on their status..goodness me! Another memememe but in a different persepective. Its ok, trying to help or motivate people, but the way ure doing it, is wrong mate! This is being people, when u dont know something, ull afraid to asked, but now that u know a little bit of something, suddenly ure a genius and everyone is wrong but ur idea, ur opinion and ur thought! My advice, keep it to urself, less sin for u, and less hatred from people to u! 

All you nuisance people..jog along now!

-lady-

roll away your stone

so here's how i got my cold in the summer..MUMFORD AND SONS!

 I didn't get it at face value..but WTH!

Paint my spirit gold..
 

yes, they're the reason for my crazy weird cold during the summer. no one gets cold during the summer. no, its not hayfever, i am having a proper cold! but i dont mind, for the best gig of the year, get cold, bunk off work for a day, meh! nothing that.

I am excited for two things. ok im lying, one and for one thing only really! for Mumford and Sons obviously?! not very excited about going to the Olympic Park for the first time honestly. but i did took some crappy pictures of the stadium and the sculpture..for souvenier?

Olympic Stadium

ArcelorMittal Orbit

so i got there at around 3pm. its scorching hot. people were sunbathing like we're at the beach, except that this is fun-ner cause we're at Mumford and Sons'd gig. yay! i was so excited. i went there alone. yup, ALL ALONE! somehow lots of people never heard of Mumford and Sons. The fact that they won Grammy's album of the year, but hey, i dont think these people even know who are the Black Keys even, or Jack White, who also happened to be in the category for best album of the year for Grammy. That aside, so i went there alone..unprepared! not quite unprepared, but more like, packed and unpacked and go..and regret! i left my mat and blanket at home, when i've already packed it the first time. 

 Scorching hot

hand-picked opening acts were just as good as mumfies. edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros, haim, ben howard, vampire weekends..they were all superb! it was so hot during the day, i can almost feel the burning sensation on my skin. but little did i know, the minute it got darker, it started to get a bit cold, and i can actually feel it in my bone. i start regretting not having my jumper with me, but its too late by then. 2 hours jam packed gig by mumfies at the end of the night, whole day of sitting and standing and dancing and jumping, of hot and cold, is taking its toll on me. so by Monday night, i resigned! i need to rest for two reasons, to get well, and to start fasting on Wednesday, so i took a day off on Tuesday, and sleep all day, all night! 

Vampire Weekends's A-Punk

but it was worth it! people who has been around me lately, will know that i love this band too much. they were great! they sounded exactly like they were in their record. its simple and yet mesmerizing. its perfect. despite the fact that 1 hour walk to and from the tube station. then get held at the tube entrance because its full. by the time i got home, my knee..its as good as done! i dont think it can stand for even 5 more seconds. eat my dinner, and straight to bed.

for what it worth, i might never get another chance to go to their gig again! for what it worth, i was not at work on Tuesday, finally a good rest!

 

 The Summer Stampede with Mumford and Sons by Gentleman of the road..FIVE *****

Thank you for the best gig ever!!

-lady-

so what do you do today?

i am sick. my throat is burning. my eyes are red. my nose is stuffy. my head is aching. i am wheezing. i am coughing non-stop. i blow my nose every now and then. i was at work today. i am fasting today. 19 hours. hot weather does not help at all. but its Ramadan. so i do what i have to do..so what do you do today?

there's not one people not asked me "why are you having cold in this weather?" "why are you fasting when you're like this?", and the best part was a stranger who told me to brew some ginger and "bottom-up" the ginger juice. do you think i choose to fall sick in this beautiful weather? do you think i choose to fall sick during Ramadan? why would i want to pay-off my fasting days when i can fast with everyone else?

i am sick! i have the right to not fast. every single thing in me today, tick all boxes for me to not fast today. i can easily get dehydrated. keep spitting out my phlegm. keep blowing out my nose. keep coughing. my head is spinning. its 19 hours and my throat is so dry that i had to keep telling myself to not reach out for the water. its summer. and it really IS SUMMER. 

but i did it. i fast! so did you? congratulations if you do! shame on you if you don't. so what could your reasons possibly be? its between you and God? I'll pay my fast later? Its too hot? Its too long? People around me is not fasting? Its such a good weather to not have a picnic or BBQ with friends? I am not ready? I just don't wanna fast? I am far from home, my parents wouldn't know? Your parents don't make the rules. God makes the rules. I am a modern Muslim, i dont do things "ancient backward" Muslims do? I am in the UK, who cares who fast or who's not? Brilliant! imma give u 10 for being honest and -10 for being such a dumb ass!

I swear on my late grandma's life i never "cheat" ever. I fast because i feel its my responsibility to do so. hands down, i pray but its not perfect. I am not wearing a hijab. I do things that I am not supposed to do. I go places I am not supposed to go. I am a sinner, but at least I know I am and not proud about it. Fasting, only ONE MONTH out of twelve months. What have you got to lose? 720 hours of fun ONLY, out of 8040 hours. 

SHAME ON YOU! Letting go of easy pahala like this. 

SHAME ON YOU! Wasting a chance of going on a diet without even trying. 

SHAME ON YOU! Calling yourself a Muslim. 

SHAME ON YOU! For all the things that He's done for you, you can't even do this. 

SHAME ON YOU! Dont you dare ask Him for anything else, if you cant even do this for Him, you have NO RIGHT!

Look in the mirror, and ask yourself..why cant i just do this..This could probably be a good start..to everything! Think about it..

Salam Ramadan 1434H

May God bless our ibadah..insyaAllah

-lady-

just how i want it to be..

folk wedding.

i've always loved folk wedding. i asked my sister to have one last time, but it was impossible to have it done the way i like it (for my sister's wedding, haha). so i guess, i'll have one when i get married later, and that's if i ever gonna get married. 

i want a simple wedding dress, and i think those who knew me well, will know that i've always wanted a simple wedding dress. it has to be white, cream, pale pink  or vanilla..and a touch of small flowers. i am still considering a train, but without a train, the wedding dress, will now look like a normal dress. maybe a touch of simple and yet elegant train. no excessive patterns, normal lace im thinking. messy hair.

the bridesmaid will all wear a summer dress with a touch of floral headband. i'd prefer if they wear a cowboy boots, but im guessing not a fucking chance! haha. so the choice are theirs.

venue is the most important part of a folk wedding. if i cant get a garden or a big park, i'll wait for it to be available i swear! the interior MUST be perfect. because folk wedding is so simple, it has to be PERFECT. the yellow hanging lightbulbs. those wooden chairs and table. the big tree. the sunset. the mixed colourful bottles. hanging ballons if you want to.

my wedding will be an intimate one. i'll only invite close family members and closest friends. i dont want to have to say "Hi" to hundreds of people that have no idea what i'm doing for living or when is my birthday or worst..whats my full name!

i'll have folk musics all night long, and folk MUSICS ONLY. i could play mumfies on repeat if i want to, cause its my wedding day. for one night only, just pretend that y'all like country/folk music and dance along with it. it will be magical. dancing to folk, under the moonlight, surrounded by trees, hanging lightbulb and most importantly, to be with people that you want to celeberate your biggest day with the most..it could not get any better than that!

that venue is perfect. the whole thing is perfect. whats missing in this video is my wedding day..

its just how i want it to be..about when? or how? or where? only God knows..He'll decide whats best for me..let us all wait shall we?

-lady-