busy bee

what a week it was! i had a very busy week and hopefully, a well worth one. went for few interviews, while working and also while trying to complete my dissertation. fortunately, everything went well. works are normal as usual, interview went OK and already submitted my draft dissertation for review before final submission. basically, its all good.

its only temporary, but its the experience that matters. but i have one interview in particular which for me is a little itsy bitsy too much for such salary and requirements. Believe it or not, i have to go for 3 interviews, to work in a company that is so small. imagine, if i were to get the job, i have to work with the boss's son. yes, it will be me and him ONLY! and yes, for that, i have to go through 3 interviews. but i ain't complaining! its NOT EASY to get a job nowadays, so I'll take whatever comes.

another one, i have to sit in front of 4 panels as if I'm gonna work for IBM or something. one of the panel asked questions about Excel, but come on, with Excel, u don't necessarily have the same way of doing one thing. but apparently, the guy wants it to be his way that he didn't even let me finish my way of doing it. but who am i to argue, although i apparently explain to him my way does makes sense too and he listen but i guess he would have thought that i refuse to accept that my way doesn't work the way it should be. furthermore, who am i to argue. i am just another desperado who's willing to do anything to get that chance to work.

and i finally finished writing up my dissertation, its well off on the way after i submit the draft to my supervisor. i am glad i manage to do it in the most efficient and effective way that i owe it to my supervisor and myself for such consistencies. its a relief honestly. but the big burden will be released off my shoulder after i submit my final dissertation which will be around the middle of this month.

hence for now, life is all about work and work and work and work (its packing the bread, mind u!). hopefully, I'll get some good news next week. waiting forward to it. again and again, i keep telling myself, if its meant to be, then it will be. but if its not, another door will open. i believe my time has finally come and I'm waiting patiently for it to happen.

-lady-

Yassin untuk Tok

Today at 1212am Malaysia time, my beloved grandma whom i called tok, passed away. She died at the age of 99 years of age (forgive my misinformation on twitter). Hajah Teh was granted with 13children. Been living only in Kuala Terengganu her whole life. Everyone in the village knows her. Everyone in the village knows her children. Everyone in the village knows her grandchildren. She also has great grandchildren of possibly 2 football team, or more. She was well-respected in the village. Her late husband, my late grandfather passed away 14 years ago. Since then, she's been living on her own in a small comfortable house with her son-in-law(her daughter aka my auntie passed away 3 years ago) living next door.

in loving memory of Tok (1912 - 2011)

i have a "normal" relationship with tok. when i said normal, i meant a good grandma and grandchild relationship. we live far away from each other. its an 8 hours drive from S.Alam to K.Terengganu, or one hour flight if we're too lazy to drive, which is always the case. So obviously we don't share that close relationship with each other. But my family and i, we always travel back to Terengganu during both Aidilfitri and Aidiladha. So, that bond only build up every time we come over for those celebrations. But 2 or 3 years ago, its a monthly trip back and forth for my parents though. At late 90's, she can no longer walk as much, and she's only been lying down on her bed sadly. Waiting for her kids and grand-kids to pay her a visit. Recently this year, her kids decided to bring her back to Selangor, to my auntie's place that is due to her health condition. Furthermore, its easier for my dad and his other siblings to pay her a visit now that she's in town.

We were all aware that her conditions is not treating her well, but its worsen a month ago when she fell off. She cannot stand on her own anymore, let alone to walk. So one day, she tried to stand up or so (i don't remember exactly), but she was too weak to do so that she fell off to the ground. When they tried to help her to stand back up and put her back on the bed, tears came out from her eyes. That's how painful it was..for a 99years old woman. Ambulance came to bring her to the hospital. The doctor said, at her age, there's not much that they can do because apparently the injury needs an operation and they cant perform those on her because she's too old for them needles. So they have to bring her back with only paracetamols to soothe her pain.

And only 2 days ago, i told umpy "think my grandma doesn't have much time left in this world", and today feeling regret having to say that. nothing sudden, its not a shock either, but its just sad. so sad that it hurts. sometimes, back then papa and me used to talk about her. stuff like "she's borrowing some times now. we are just as grateful that she's still here with us". we did see its coming. my papa told me her flesh is her bone and skin. past 3 days, she cant swallow anything, not even water. and today, last 10days of Ramadan, she finally bows down.

She always wakes up early in the morning buying breakfast for us whenever we are back in Terengganu. She tries to sit on her bed and walk around the house when we're around. Still remember papa telling me "look how happy she is when we're here". She cook the best food in the world. She's also the fussiest woman i've ever met my whole life. details in her cooking sometimes is unbelievable. i wish i can list all those good qualities about tok, but it will take me forever to finish the list. Sometimes, i miss the house. I miss the heat in the house. I miss the environment. i miss mosquitoes biting me while sleeping at her house. but most importantly, i really really miss her. i miss her so bad. i didn't get that chance to say goodbye. i didn't get that chance to 'steal' her cooking book. i didn't get that chance to say thank u. i didn't get that chance to say 'i love u' regardless. i hope she knows that i do. i hope she's looking down on all of us, and smile for a long great life she had when she's around.

Lorong Haji Mat Taukeh, Kuala Terengganu

papa said its hurt to see her suffer, and so does everyone else. its time to say goodbye. its time to let her go. i dried my tears knowing she's in safe hand now. i hold my sadness knowing she's not in pain no more. i am being strong because i know God loves her more than anyone of us. i love u tok. Al-Fatihah.


-lady-

what is "Ramadamdam"?

"good morning" the first sentences that come out from my mouth every other day when i'm working. my hello's goes out to the whole factory if i'm being honest! so in 2 weeks time, this will all resume back to normality. normality as in start working at 7am again (currently i come in at 730am), breakfast at 930-ish am, touch out at 2pm or 3pm. and always make sometimes for a fag or two in between the hours.

but now its Ramadan, am currently haven't been smoking for almost 2 weeks, while working i mean. so haven't been talking as much to people around except those who are in the same department, and of course shortie (forklift driver who ruins my life at work..haha! kidding). so one day, just finish work, and bump into an Englishman, who is a fellow smoker. so we start talking while waiting for a friend who is still in the office.

Man: So, no smoking during Ramadamdam ay?

Lady: hmmm..NO! u know that u silly cow..

Man: i just think all these fasting thingy doesn't make sense. What is it for? Smelly mouth! Not eating! Not smoking!

Lady: Oiiii! of course it does..in 2 weeks time, u'll see me getting skinnier than ever after a month of 18hours fasting every single day! ha ha

Man: Dont be silly! ure not fat (ahuh! yeah, i am NOT! hell YES I AM!!!)

Lady: ok listen, why are u making a big fuss out of it? why are u complaining so much? u are not the one who's fasting anyway. i am! and i am not complaining at all.

Man: No, i just want to know, what is it exactly for?

Lady: To appreciate what we have. Good food, a roof to stay under, nice cloth, although ur shoes need to go dude (u can literally see them socks. not just the glimpse, almost the whole damn thing!)

Man: argh, that's nonsense. bla bla bla bla

Lady: jog along now. bla bla bla. oh by the way, its not Ramadamdam u dumb ass! its RA-MA-DAN!!

Man: i like it that way..Ra-ma-dam-dam! *grin* by the way, do me a favor. stop walking like a penguin when Ramadamdam is over!!

Lady: pissed off! its slippery u moron..i don't wanna hafta fall on the stupid disgusting floor.

that's basically a conversation between one Englishman and me at work. See, i honestly believe, he doesn't mean anything about that Ramadamdam or the needs to fast. He was just being curious. I appreciate that he asked. I appreciate that he has his own opinion. and trust me, hes a mature open-minded middle age Englishman. Not some stupid wanker who knows fucko! Furthermore, he's an atheist. He's basically a free thinker and in his world, everything is whatever, and live life as it is.

My point is, u can't even educate a muslim, him or herself to understand the needs to fast, let alone a non-muslim. to think their questions are difficult to answer, imagine when they ask "why is he not fasting then? he makes it looks ok? he's a muslim too". they are non-muslims, although there's always a clear line that they should never try to cross when it comes to religion, but as far as im concern, as long as they respect me and my belief, its all good, which they are.

i am not perfect. i am a muslim. i may not be a good one, but its between me and God. i am sure, i'll get there one day. being a good muslim that is. i'll wear my hijab. i know i will, because i am born a muslim, and i'll die a muslim. a good muslim that is! insyaAllah.

-lady-

14 Ramadan

Alhamdullilah, its 14 Ramadan today. i am actually honestly been counting my fasting days, as it feels like ive been fasting forever. here in London, its different. its tougher because of two things, everyone else is eating but u, and its summer, so expect a longer day. thank God the weather is being nice. but, at work its a different story. working in a bakery factory, having to smell food the whole day, having to pass by trays full of good food, its oh so tempting! although outside its not that hot, but man inside the building is worse than the jacuzzi! surrounded by ovens..seriously, i mean ovenS!! not 1, not 2, not 3..but 6 of them! no air because all them squareheads think human being inhale Co2 and not O2. before fasting month, think i drink at least one bottle of 500ml water. but now, i am swallowing my own saliva. urgghhh! but coming into the 3rd week, it should be easy going through another 2 more weeks i supposed ay?

so, its been homemade food for break fasting everyday for the past 12days (only 1day that i decided not to cook because umpy's taking a pissed..so its kebab instead!) everything from fried noodles to soup noodles, from lamb chop to battered fish. everything turned out alrite, or delicious i must say (haaa) except one thing..RICE PUDDING! i hate u rice pudding. that bloody chef in good cook didn't give any measurement for the amount of rice i supposed to put in, and being greedy me, i put in lots of them rice pudding in there forgetting that RICE as it is, will makes the rice pudding stick together like a proper rice..and not all creamy and watery rice pudding as it should be. and so, i decided, its me against the rice pudding real soon. REVENGE time. haih

coco pops crackles

so-called rice pudding..FAILED!

battered fish, wedges and fried noodles

noodle soup

chicken porridge

my mommy called today, and asked what's for break fasting. told her i really wanna eat/drink ABC. ABC bomba (because the stall is located behind a Fire Brigade) that is! Gosh! that's the best ABC ever, after the one in Section 3, Shah Alam, which according to Adhwa, is no more there. then mommy said "awww, i can't help u with that one. u have to have that machine!" sigh. so, i made a promise to myself, next year i'll be home for Ramadan. Again, two reasons, the same reason because it will be a proper summer,hence it will be a long day, much longer than this one..and second the fact that i cant have any BBQ when that's the best time to indulge myself with nice BBQ. oh man!

and also, the 2011/2012 EPL kicked-off yesterday! the much anticipated time of the year (for me) is finally here. all football actions. watching Match of The Day. its gonna be another good year for Man United, i can feel it! yes, one because i am a fan..a HUGE one! two, because we simply are the best! (i have a big mouth, thanks!). so yeah, starting from this week, whatever i post, there will be some football element somewhere. its like an addiction. but its a good one and in a good way!! *grin* so Bolton is on top of the table today, despite playing on the same day with Arsenal and Liverpool, who only managed to secure 1point each. Man United and Chelsea will be playing today, Man City will take on Swansea on Monday night.

we are the best around!!

alrite then, its time that i stop talking about football now..i need to eat for Sahur! in the mean time, u lot have a good weekend. Stay safe. i shall annoy u next time. God bless!

-lady-

chaotic London

went out of the house on Sunday afternoon feeling confused on the number of closed shops along the high street. until Sunday night, watch the telly, get on the internet and then it all start making sense.

would there be a riot if the victim have shot the police first before the police shoot him? hands down, the answer will be an absolute NO! i sincerely understand why the police shoot him first, or else he'll shoot them first. so, at the end of the day, one of them will eventually fell on the ground bleeding, well in this case, dead. but the riot embarked after tonnes of his so-called followers in his 'star gang' felt it was unnecessary to shoot him. and yes, i understand the needs to feel upset and the angst that cause the incident.

and yes, i understand the family's dissatisfaction over how the police handle the situation by not letting them know personally that he was shot dead if that remains the reason why they were so upset. but would i believe words they're feeding the community by saying that he was a good man, and that he would never shoot anyone? no, i don't believe a word! hence, the need to go on a street to protest their dissatisfaction? ok, understood! but then, rioting and looting? for a child aged between 10-15 years of age? enlighten me with the fact that they should be at home doing their homework or studying rather than outside rioting and looting? oh wait, school is not cool, rioting is! we'll see where you'll be in 10 years time then. chavs!

why burn those buildings? why burn those buses? why burn those civilians' cars? why smashed and binned the stores? it is not rioting anymore. its the 3rd day of the chaos, and it definitely no sign of stopping them just yet. the fact that the parents of these kids allow them to go on the street and conduct thuggery makes it ok? the community is not being racist (although i am sure some are) but by committing these crimes will makes it any better u think?

this is not the case of rioting already. this is the case of avenge. this is the case of hatred. this is the case of an uneducated and narrow minded civilians. they're not parading on the street asking for answers over the death of their 'elder', but they're on the street because of their ASBO (Anti-Social Behavior Order) attitude. they burn the building because it makes them happy to see other people suffer. they smashed and binned the shop and commit looting. they burn buses and cars for satisfaction. how are all this helped them getting answers on reasons behind the death of their beloved 'elder'?

i know the police are doing their best to prevent all these disturbance circumstances, but doesn't one burned building could lead to another? one broken shops could lead to more broken shops? and mind u, they're not gonna go and smashed one pound shops, they smashed carphone warehouses, sunglasses hut, goldsmiths..u probably got the idea by now why these shops were the main target. and oh, they're not gonna break into h&m, but JD(JD and chav? rings any bell)?!

whatever it is, no one is supporting such situation at the moment except these chav and the 'star gang'. parents play the major role in molding their kids on whats right and whats not. the community needs to understand the needs to support these kids by providing positive influence whenever necessary. while the government needs to explain what actually happen on Thursday evening and then let the city rest in piece[sic]. i just hope this will end soon, in fact very soon. its not time to do finger pointing, but instead to work together and sort it out, so we can all move on with our lives and then back to normal again.

for now, its safe to stay in and be alert. take precautions and remain safe by staying in. i am sure, i am not the only one who wants this to be over, but we all are. i am hoping the Scotland yards and the government will do whatever they can to stop this from prolong and bring the peace back to the city. fingers crossed!

-lady-

age does(not) matter

really? age does not matter? No, it really does not matter. But like everything else, there's always limit in this one too. Also, like everything else, it depends on the situation at that moment of time. How do u know when age does(not) matter? For me, its a both yes AND no. How does it not matter when its 20 years difference? Someone tell me cause i still can't register the fact that 20years gap DOES NOT MATTER.

here's the situation.

Situation 1

A girl age 25 married a man at his 50's. Come on, even a blind man can see age does matter in this case. But what does not matter to the girl is his moolah! Why would someone have a partner 20years older than them if its not for their fortunes? At 50, u can't even have proper sex! No sex, means no kids! At 50, u don't even have a teeth! At 50, u are supposed to dedicate your life to God. So, please enlighten me and tell me that the gap isn't purely based on money!

hefner and crystal..kaching!!!

they're both rich..irrelevant in this case!

Situation 2

A man age 30 is going out with a woman at her 50's. Now this one is out of this world. Why would a man go out with a woman who is 20 years older than him? Desperate? Both of them? Could it be real love? Well, love is blind they say. But i believe this one is more of a "desperate is sick". Again, prove me wrong and tell me why would a man goes out with a woman who is 20 years older than him?

madonna tops the chart really!

here's what I've gotta say.

Situation 1

This is already a norm. U simply find this relationship everywhere, they could be your neighbor even. I am not surprised if a girl choose to marry some 50 years old when all he have is 10 years and massive fortunes! money talks baby. i can name 5 with my eyes closed! so this one, is already out of questions. people might find it disgusting, but believe me, it just blend into the society nowadays. people talk, but she don't give a f*** care dude. she got money! what do u have? BIG MOUTH. so jog on now!

Situation 2

This is NOT! a man in his 30 with a woman in her 50's. well, this is happening in my everyday life if its not in yours! won't tell a soul about who are these "lovebirds". heh! the man is desperate to find love. no really! DESPERATE. the woman, who acts like she's 25 is also desperate to find a man. it might looks the same. but here's the catch. the man is desperate to find love, but he's not gonna go with her eventually. the woman is desperate to find love, and she believes that the man really is after her. i am sorry, but any 50's who act like this woman, is a definite humiliation. not just to herself, but to people around her! imagine a belly of 50 years old woman in a tight singlet. yes, that's it! a very tight singlet and a bulging belly. i pity her. she's too blind to see, but the man likes almost every girl i know. i am hoping she come to her sense before its too late, but it looks like it is now. she's gonna get hurt anytime soon. she cooks for him, do this, buy that and do everything for him. the woman is annoying anyway, it's none of my concern if they do get together for a very long time or not, but its DISGUSTING. he calls it friends for benefit. she calls it love in the air. Bless them Dear God.

No! age does not matter to me, BUT be it sensible. i am not talking about 10 years and still doesn't matter, then someone just pass me the gun..anyone! 3 years or 4 years, who cares? it would not makes any different anyway. he looks younger and that's a compliment to her. she manage to pull it together and that's good enough for him. who are we to complaint? believe me i ain't, i am just making my point. i am in one anyway, and he definitely looks way older than me! seriously, if there's really love between these two people with humongous age differences, then they're the luckiest soul alive.

i am not sorry i am loud, but i am sorry that u just don't see my point! honestly, i wish them well. i wish them all the best, and may those sour factors turn into sweet love. i am not saying its not gonna happen, i am just saying it is almost impossible. so, yeah! me and my randomness. next time people!

-lady-