Today at 1212am Malaysia time, my beloved grandma whom i called tok, passed away. She died at the age of 99 years of age (forgive my misinformation on twitter). Hajah Teh was granted with 13children. Been living only in Kuala Terengganu her whole life. Everyone in the village knows her. Everyone in the village knows her children. Everyone in the village knows her grandchildren. She also has great grandchildren of possibly 2 football team, or more. She was well-respected in the village. Her late husband, my late grandfather passed away 14 years ago. Since then, she's been living on her own in a small comfortable house with her son-in-law(her daughter aka my auntie passed away 3 years ago) living next door.
in loving memory of Tok (1912 - 2011)
i have a "normal" relationship with tok. when i said normal, i meant a good grandma and grandchild relationship. we live far away from each other. its an 8 hours drive from S.Alam to K.Terengganu, or one hour flight if we're too lazy to drive, which is always the case. So obviously we don't share that close relationship with each other. But my family and i, we always travel back to Terengganu during both Aidilfitri and Aidiladha. So, that bond only build up every time we come over for those celebrations. But 2 or 3 years ago, its a monthly trip back and forth for my parents though. At late 90's, she can no longer walk as much, and she's only been lying down on her bed sadly. Waiting for her kids and grand-kids to pay her a visit. Recently this year, her kids decided to bring her back to Selangor, to my auntie's place that is due to her health condition. Furthermore, its easier for my dad and his other siblings to pay her a visit now that she's in town.
We were all aware that her conditions is not treating her well, but its worsen a month ago when she fell off. She cannot stand on her own anymore, let alone to walk. So one day, she tried to stand up or so (i don't remember exactly), but she was too weak to do so that she fell off to the ground. When they tried to help her to stand back up and put her back on the bed, tears came out from her eyes. That's how painful it was..for a 99years old woman. Ambulance came to bring her to the hospital. The doctor said, at her age, there's not much that they can do because apparently the injury needs an operation and they cant perform those on her because she's too old for them needles. So they have to bring her back with only paracetamols to soothe her pain.
And only 2 days ago, i told umpy "think my grandma doesn't have much time left in this world", and today feeling regret having to say that. nothing sudden, its not a shock either, but its just sad. so sad that it hurts. sometimes, back then papa and me used to talk about her. stuff like "she's borrowing some times now. we are just as grateful that she's still here with us". we did see its coming. my papa told me her flesh is her bone and skin. past 3 days, she cant swallow anything, not even water. and today, last 10days of Ramadan, she finally bows down.
She always wakes up early in the morning buying breakfast for us whenever we are back in Terengganu. She tries to sit on her bed and walk around the house when we're around. Still remember papa telling me "look how happy she is when we're here". She cook the best food in the world. She's also the fussiest woman i've ever met my whole life. details in her cooking sometimes is unbelievable. i wish i can list all those good qualities about tok, but it will take me forever to finish the list. Sometimes, i miss the house. I miss the heat in the house. I miss the environment. i miss mosquitoes biting me while sleeping at her house. but most importantly, i really really miss her. i miss her so bad. i didn't get that chance to say goodbye. i didn't get that chance to 'steal' her cooking book. i didn't get that chance to say thank u. i didn't get that chance to say 'i love u' regardless. i hope she knows that i do. i hope she's looking down on all of us, and smile for a long great life she had when she's around.
We were all aware that her conditions is not treating her well, but its worsen a month ago when she fell off. She cannot stand on her own anymore, let alone to walk. So one day, she tried to stand up or so (i don't remember exactly), but she was too weak to do so that she fell off to the ground. When they tried to help her to stand back up and put her back on the bed, tears came out from her eyes. That's how painful it was..for a 99years old woman. Ambulance came to bring her to the hospital. The doctor said, at her age, there's not much that they can do because apparently the injury needs an operation and they cant perform those on her because she's too old for them needles. So they have to bring her back with only paracetamols to soothe her pain.
And only 2 days ago, i told umpy "think my grandma doesn't have much time left in this world", and today feeling regret having to say that. nothing sudden, its not a shock either, but its just sad. so sad that it hurts. sometimes, back then papa and me used to talk about her. stuff like "she's borrowing some times now. we are just as grateful that she's still here with us". we did see its coming. my papa told me her flesh is her bone and skin. past 3 days, she cant swallow anything, not even water. and today, last 10days of Ramadan, she finally bows down.
She always wakes up early in the morning buying breakfast for us whenever we are back in Terengganu. She tries to sit on her bed and walk around the house when we're around. Still remember papa telling me "look how happy she is when we're here". She cook the best food in the world. She's also the fussiest woman i've ever met my whole life. details in her cooking sometimes is unbelievable. i wish i can list all those good qualities about tok, but it will take me forever to finish the list. Sometimes, i miss the house. I miss the heat in the house. I miss the environment. i miss mosquitoes biting me while sleeping at her house. but most importantly, i really really miss her. i miss her so bad. i didn't get that chance to say goodbye. i didn't get that chance to 'steal' her cooking book. i didn't get that chance to say thank u. i didn't get that chance to say 'i love u' regardless. i hope she knows that i do. i hope she's looking down on all of us, and smile for a long great life she had when she's around.
Lorong Haji Mat Taukeh, Kuala Terengganu
papa said its hurt to see her suffer, and so does everyone else. its time to say goodbye. its time to let her go. i dried my tears knowing she's in safe hand now. i hold my sadness knowing she's not in pain no more. i am being strong because i know God loves her more than anyone of us. i love u tok. Al-Fatihah.
-lady-
-lady-
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