Sense of belonging

Have you ever feel like you dont belong? Sea of people surrounding you, noises are almost unbearable, and yet you still feel like you dont belong. Lucky you if you dont. Living away from my family is not hard, but living away, so far away from my family is hard. I used to stay at the university's accomodation when i was doing my diploma, which was 4 hours drive away from home. Its not hard, cause i go home almost every other 2 weeks. But staying 13 hours away, travelling by airplane, and 8 hours time different is hard. On top of that, "illusioning" and noticing that people look at you differently is worst, especially when you get that cold shoulder because you are different. Not blonde, not fair, not tall and ASIAN.

At times, it drives me mad, but most of the times, i just dont care. You know what they say "when in Rome, do as the Romans do". The stare that could leave a hole on your face and that unfair treatment just because youre not one of them. After almost 5 years, i can still feel the snarling, although these days, i just write it off and let it be. Its hard to believe that its difficult to be nice. All i want is to be treated equally, i dont ask to be regarded highly, but all im asking is just a little bit of respect, in the name of mankind.

*sense of belonging*

What annoys and disgusts me the most is the fact that i got more mental abuses from the elderly. Well dont mind about the youngsters, ive been there, although my "ASBO" (anti-social behaviour order) wasnt involving being rude, unless you start it first. Ive been pushed, been stared, been discriminate..you name it! Its a disgrace. We are in the 20th century for goodness sake! The mentality gotta change.

I am living here on my own. I pay my own rent, get a job with my own hardwork and pay my taxes like everyone else. I am not entitle to any benefits, and even if i do, i dont need them. Hands down to those who take advantage of these so-called easy-money income, especially those EU immigrants, who is fast to do so the moment they step their feet on this land. Lips sealed for those whos been here forever i supposed ay! Believe me when i say that almost EVERY single European that i know is on benefits from the UK government. Theres even Arabs who doesnt speak a single word in English is on benefits!

Well, thats none of my business. But my point is that, we're in the 20th fucking century for fuck sake! Discriminations and racisms have gotta go! Orange, cream, tan, white or black, we are all human beings. These are all borrowed to us. One day, these will all be taken, and the only place that we belong to would be with Him, Allah swt. Wallahualam.

-lady-

Tale of a wisdom tooth

Last week, i went to see the dentist. Ive been having this toothache since forever as far as i remember. I thought it was a hole, so all it needs, is the filling. The pain is sometimes unbearable that it brought tears to my eyes. Other times, it annoying me cause the food keep getting stuck. The pain mostly cause by that, and i dont enjoy my food when it did. I am a big-eater, so i want to be able to eat without having to worry about how to pick the food out of my tooth later.

I know the dentist will cost me fortune here in London. Umpy removed and filled his tooth for a handsome £1,500.00! Say what? That was years ago, and that was mother-fucking-ass-hole-ing expensive! With that amount of money, i can get myself a nice handbag AND on top of that, to pay off my rent. Yeah, for some lucky people out there, £1,500.00, cost them A BAG, but i could get more than just a bag, u know what i mean? But oh well, my point is that, its hellalot of money dude. So forget these crazy throat-cutting dentist, instead i go home, back in Malaysia and did it for a tiny £150.00.

So i went in, confident! The moment i sat on that dentist chair, my heart beats fast! The hell? Less than a minute, the lady dentist, said its a wisdom tooth, i need to remove it. Half of the tooth was in the gum, so it came out half, hence the gap i.e. hole. If i dont remove it, there's a good possibility, that there will be a hole on that last tooth before the wisdom tooth. Plus, our wisdom tooth is "functionless", as per the dentist. It left me with no choice but to remove it.

Ive decided to remove it the next day so i can eat as many food as i want today, as the dentist told me that i'll be on a liquid diet for at least 2-3 days. She said its not gonna hurt a bit, so i trusted her. It was in the morning. The minor surgery took me 1 hour. Oh my gosh, i feel like crying while opening up my cheek, because i had to do so for 1 bloody hour and its fucking tiring! And because its tiring, it kinda hurt a bit having to open up your mouth that wide, that long! She said its difficult to pull it out because its my biting side, and because it is, the tooth got even deeper inside the gum. She kept changing and looking at different equipments trying to pull my tooth out, its that hard!

*my wisdom tooth*

An hour later, its done. It was such a relief. The dentist start sewing the gum that she cut earlier, and i still didnt feel a thing. It did not hurt a bit, cause i was drugged for approximately 2 hours. She then told me, it will be gone in 1/2 hours time. I was asked to take the paracetamol when i start feeling the pain. It was supposed to be after 30mins that i should feel the pain, but instead it kick in after 20mins. OMFG, it hurts so fucking bad i swear! I took the paracetamol, it was so strong i felt asleep immediately, and woke up only to change the gauze, and then later in the late evening. Its like a proper surgery, except that its in your mouth. RESTING after the surgery, is a MUST!

No one told me its gonna hurt so fucking bad after the surgery, but not during the surgery. Well, thats everyone's main concern when they're undergoing an operation, so i understand if the dentist was reluctant to tell me that "tale" of a post surgery. Also, here's a NO-NO after the surgery:

1. No smoking

2. No gargling

3. No spitting

4. No hot food and beverages

5. No rubbing the area with your tongue

6. No sucking (oi, stop that thought. No straw sucking i mean!)

I was given two different types of anti-biotics and three different types of painkillers. Thats a lot of pills to swallow at one time, but ive never had problems with medicine, so i'm cool about it. What sad is that, it was my 2nd and last week at home, and my plan of eating lotsa food before i come back to London gone outta window. I was left with a humongous left cheek because of the inflammation, inability to open up my mouth and also not being able to eat properly. The dentist said that the stitches will dissolve by itself, and up til today, i can feel it with my tongue, like its hanging out of nowhere like a food stuck between your teeth, its bloody annoying!

*three different painkillers*

A week later today, it still in its healing process. Ive done researches on the internet, that it took months for the surgery to actually heal completely. Although i can already eat solid food by now, but i am very careful not to eat on that side of my mouth, plus its still difficult for me to open my mouth. I eat very slowly that sometimes its kinda frustrating not being able to eat normally. My cheek, they're smaller now, but i can still see the bump, and it still hurt until now. I cant touch my left cheek, but if i have to, i will do it very carefully and gently. I still have that tingling feeling on that side of my mouth, where sometimes i can feel the sensation due to the surgery that i had.

Well, i maybe forget how it feels like having done the surgery say a year from now, so its better if i blog about it today, so i wont be that confident about removing another tooth if i have to one day. I vow to not visit the dentist ever again! Never! I will take good care of my teeth. Promise! 

Guess i was wise for a good few months coming into the big three O, and back to not being so wise now, or maybe i dont need wisdom tooth after all. I am a wise girl indeed...or am i? Oh what the hell! Now, which one of u is my stingy tooth fairy who took away my wisdom tooth, and yet leave nothing under my pillow? Hmm..

-lady-

Happiness

it has been a month or so since i last blog. well thats because ive been busy trying to keep myself busy. trying to forget that i am all alone managing London as ive never done so before. hence i proudly would like to inform everyone that ive done well, thank you! its not that bad. it was hard the first few days, but then it gets better. probably because i have friends who tried to cheer me up, and workloads that fucked me up. plus, i was back at home for a good 2 weeks. 

i know ive shared the good news before, but oh well. its my blog, i bragged if i want to *bluek*. the first week after umpy left was the week where ACCA result was out. i am so nervous, that i forget to how sad it is to be left alone. nightmare of keep on failing the same paper never really left me, that i literally deny the fact that i will pass the paper like ever. i remember waking up that morning, half awake, grabbed my ipad, checking out my email. i cant believe my eyes, but my other hand was already calling home to inform my parents the good news. i re-read the email, twice, three times just to confirm until i read the line "congratulations on completing the papers...." i cried like a baby. i called home, crying at the same time trying to tell my father that ive completed them crazy ACCA papers. it was hardwork. never give up. never say no. it finally paid off. Alhamdullilah.

ive learn that living alone wasnt so bad after all. u feel alone for a while, but after sometimes, u kinda realize that u actually need that time alone to urself. rather than having only Saturday to myself, i had the whole week day and night all by myself for the past 1.5months. it was indeed very exciting and serene i must say. but dude, the internet served me well. phone calls and skype everyday. feels like he never left me by my side. hes here, close to my heart. 

and then it was my baby sister's wedding. oh my days, it was beautiful. it was tiring. it was chaotic. it was so much fun. it was simply magical. i cant thank people enough for having their time spare for this meaningful event. she was beautiful. she looks happy. trust me, she was a nerve-wreck. worried sick that things wont go her way. knowing how choosy and fussy she is, i had to make sure that she remains calm. it went well. my parents were the happiest people on planet that day. my mom doesnt realistically cry, she only does so fictionally i.e. reading novels, watching dramas. ha ha. shes from another planet my mother. so yeah, the questions that i will never get sick of answering would be "when will we see you on that dais?" my answer u ask? "insyaAllah" (God willing), one day perhaps *grins*.

*reunited*

*the reception*

*the dais*

*i love them girls*

*group pictures*

*solemnization dais*

*just married*

summary for the past 1.5months, happiness all along! baby sister is now happily on her honeymoon. my umpy is coming home. ive completed my ACCA exam. what else can i ask for? well maybe a new job will complete my high flying twenty twelve. anyone need an accountant? 

cheers!

-lady-