midnight wandering mind

it is past midnight, and you're still wide awake. usually during this time, what goes through your mind?

based on my observation, human being is at it weakest before they go to bed. those few minutes, perhaps hours before you finally fall asleep, are the loneliest and scariest place on earth. how i wish once i put my head down on my pillow, it will take me straight away to the dreamland, but that's not always the case. when counting sheep doesn't help, your mind start to wandering elsewhere. its that time of the day where you start to think of the worst.

i start to think of all scary possibilities like where will i be once I'm dead, what will happen in the afterlife, how is life after death, how does living forever looks like, so on and so forth. these thoughts are scarier when you're "not ready". i hate having this thought. i hate the thought of not being able to be with my family anymore. how does the world looks like up there? 

then you're scared of the dark. i am not scared of the dark, i am saying those who are. you already have these crazy life and death thoughts, and then you have the current crisis and not being able to to blink because you're so scared of the dark. those who believes in ghost, and believe that "if i open my eyes, the ghost will be there. it will strangle me to death". double trouble that!

aint gonna lie. everything come straight to my mind when i cant sleep. its a normal thing, that u tend to think about stuff, uncertainties, plans, futures when your mind is wandering, but when it wander to the darkest place that you don't want to be, that's where you get all nervous, sad, scared..all at the same time. and all you want to do is close your eyes and go to sleep, hoping everything will be OK tomorrow.

i hate this part of the day, late at night, when you cant sleep, no matter how hard you try. my mind will start wandering to places that you don't wanna be. then I'll start worrying. then I'll start feeling sad and scared and depressed, all at the same time.

so when i cant sleep, i'll recite as many Al-Fatihah as i can, as many Ayat Al-Kursi as i can, trying to force myself to go to sleep. it definitely helps me to calm down, from having all those scary thoughts. but some nights, its just difficult to stop worrying about the worst, because its a reminder to myself , that life is too short to not ask for forgiveness, too short to not start repenting, too short to forget that the world is only borrowed. For who knows what tomorrow brings us..as for some, tomorrow might never comes! Wallahualam. 

1 In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.  
2 Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds,  
3 The Beneficent, the Merciful.  
4 Master of the Day of Judgment,  
5 Thee (alone) we worship; Thee (alone) we ask for help.  
6 Show us the straight path, 
7 The path of those whom Thou hast favoured; Not the (path) of those who earn Thine anger nor of those who go astray.

Good night love!

-lady-