havent been blogging for almost 2 weeks now. life have been busy. it actually have been great, despite hiccups here and there. little hiccups, big hiccups, its life! u either face it or be a fucking p***y. work is ok and then shit, and then ok, and then shit, and it goes on and on and on. been playing hard too, weeks in, weeks out, had girly nights with them girls, paint the town red or blue or any colours u name it. basically, its fair to say that my life at the moment, is fairly in balance.
then last night came. i've always have this "provoking" attitude in me when i got involve in arguments. it gotten worse when the argument involves around people that i love. dont get me wrong, i love my brother, but when we fight, my strongest department would be provoking. i provoke him so bad that at some points, i got really dissapointed at myself having done so, but its too late. but i feel like thats me at my best trying to win some points, PROVOKE! papa always told me to stop provoking him when we fight. but with me, if u accidentally push that provoke button, u will get it through and through.
and then, the best department i am at, unfortunately resulted in me being aggresive too. i provoke, and then they responded, and then they got aggresive and i will too. i will not tell you a fairy tale stories, neither will i put myself in a position that could jeopardize my dignity. i will not let it go without fighting, physically or mentally. i am a fighter and i will do what it takes. people will judge me, they will, like they judge u. the only difference, could be probably u care, but i dont give a fuck care about them. i take the risk, so i will bear it myself. i will probably need your shoulder to cry on, or ears, but if u cant give that to me, its not the end of the world. although u will not bear the pain, like ure willing to share the happiness with me, but i am fine with it really.
either ure a man or a woman, if i cant take whatever bullshit ure giving me, i will retaliate, regardless. but i know my strength, i will not fight a man with a gun, or a woman with a mental problem, although most of the times, i will try to make sure that i will not bring myself as low as they are, but sometimes in life, u just have to stand up for urself, and thats what i do(did). i have to made it clear, i just gotta make myself heard, and thats what i exactly did. by hook or by crook, thats my way of doing it, maybe urs is different! believe me i do hit myself hard so that i woke up to reality and realize that its not good for me, that it could turn out worst, but when u trust ur heart,u can never go wrong! at least if u do, ure taking a risk, and u know how it feels like. ive been in even worst situation than this, but if i push the panic button, i will go down the drain like everyone else, and why wud i wanna do that?
this sounds ridicolous, but its a self explaination really. i need to tell myself that its ok. i need to tell myself that i am being me. i need to tell myself that they care about me, but i need to tell myself too, that if they do care about me, they will get my back! they will be there for me regardless, because thats what they should be doing. i dont ask for much, but all im asking for is their support and that they'd be happy for me. is that too much?
then last night came. i've always have this "provoking" attitude in me when i got involve in arguments. it gotten worse when the argument involves around people that i love. dont get me wrong, i love my brother, but when we fight, my strongest department would be provoking. i provoke him so bad that at some points, i got really dissapointed at myself having done so, but its too late. but i feel like thats me at my best trying to win some points, PROVOKE! papa always told me to stop provoking him when we fight. but with me, if u accidentally push that provoke button, u will get it through and through.
and then, the best department i am at, unfortunately resulted in me being aggresive too. i provoke, and then they responded, and then they got aggresive and i will too. i will not tell you a fairy tale stories, neither will i put myself in a position that could jeopardize my dignity. i will not let it go without fighting, physically or mentally. i am a fighter and i will do what it takes. people will judge me, they will, like they judge u. the only difference, could be probably u care, but i dont give a fuck care about them. i take the risk, so i will bear it myself. i will probably need your shoulder to cry on, or ears, but if u cant give that to me, its not the end of the world. although u will not bear the pain, like ure willing to share the happiness with me, but i am fine with it really.
either ure a man or a woman, if i cant take whatever bullshit ure giving me, i will retaliate, regardless. but i know my strength, i will not fight a man with a gun, or a woman with a mental problem, although most of the times, i will try to make sure that i will not bring myself as low as they are, but sometimes in life, u just have to stand up for urself, and thats what i do(did). i have to made it clear, i just gotta make myself heard, and thats what i exactly did. by hook or by crook, thats my way of doing it, maybe urs is different! believe me i do hit myself hard so that i woke up to reality and realize that its not good for me, that it could turn out worst, but when u trust ur heart,u can never go wrong! at least if u do, ure taking a risk, and u know how it feels like. ive been in even worst situation than this, but if i push the panic button, i will go down the drain like everyone else, and why wud i wanna do that?
this sounds ridicolous, but its a self explaination really. i need to tell myself that its ok. i need to tell myself that i am being me. i need to tell myself that they care about me, but i need to tell myself too, that if they do care about me, they will get my back! they will be there for me regardless, because thats what they should be doing. i dont ask for much, but all im asking for is their support and that they'd be happy for me. is that too much?
-lady-
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