TWENTY

we are the..

because we are..

and the reds go marching..

-lady-

Boston

i cannot believe how educated people (lets assume they all are), argue how people show their support for Boston, but no one cares about the Arabs' nation. i am not smart myself, but these are all common sense. How can you question people's concern for Boston and not those middle eastern countries? The difference between these two is that one was bombed by an "unknown" someone OR something, but another was bombed by their own "people". GO FIGURE!

the consequences however, are the same, innocent men, women and child were sacrificed, hundreds and thousands were left injured. its not fair to give numbers when it comes to lives, as much as its not fair choosing which and whom should people feel sorry for the most. 

on another note, it is UTTERLY disgusting for you to claimed that the bombing in Boston was an act of terrorism by a MUSLIM. no evidence saying that it was. although the media only wrote "it was an act of terrorism" fullstop, but we all know it meant a "Muslim terrorist". who are you kidding? gotta read between the line they say.

please rest assure that no where in the Quran says that being aggresive and extreme are acceptable, NO WHERE! i am sorry but these Muslim extremists, give other Muslims a bad name. we are all human beings, some of us get out of the way, while others remain on the right path. 

i really hope we all act like a normal human being and feel sorry for all those bad things that are happening around us. not because theyre white, orange or black, but because for all those lives that were brought into the world by God, deserves to live.

let us all pray for Boston and those middle eastern countries in wars. may God bless the dead souls, and may God protect us all from any kind of disasters. 

stay safe and like Ellen always says "be kind to one another".

-lady-

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

sometimes, i dont understand what goes through a person's mind. didnt your mama tell you to respect others people's belief? didnt your mama tell you to shut the fuck up if you dont know fucko? especially when it comes to religions.

i tell you what happened. i was at the hotel yesterday for our monthly meeting. so everyone was there. i aint naming names. so this one lady was telling everybody that she brings her bible everywhere. so i asked, whats the deal? obviously i dont know, cause if i do, i wouldnt make myself looks stupid asking such an IRRELEVANT question. 

then two of them were like "oh dont you know, dont you bring your Quran with you everywhere? Dont you embrace your Quran and bring it with you like we do?", asking such questions while laughing away. i was like WTF right? then i told them "i dont bring Quran with me cause i dont know where i'll go! cause Quran is that precious that we have to keep it safe". then they kept quiet, while i explained. "we cannot and we dont put our Quran on the floor like you did with your bible (the bibble was in her paper bag where she placed it on the floor). Even if we keep it inside our bag, we might accidentally sat on it not remembering that we have Quran in ourbag. Its that precious that we REALLY have to take good care of it." Then the third girl said to the two ignorant ladies "oh yeah, i know about that, its true!". then suddenly they stop laughing, and their face expression changed. full of embarassment and ashamed of themselves. 

then the girl with the bible said "oh i only bring it with me especially now hoping it will protect me before i get married". SEE! its simple aint it? im not asking for much, i just wanna know why she shove it in my face saying MY "book" repeatedly, how on earth do i know?

one of the girl is actually an active church-goer. i mean if thats the attitude i got from someone who called herself an active church-goer, i am sorry but you gave your community a bad name dont you think so? 

Shes lucky im not in a bitchy mood (feeling a bit under the weather for the past few days now), or else..hmm, naaaah! i was taught by my religion to RESPECT other people's religion. So that short and "stern" explaination was all it takes to shut her ugly nasty smelly mouth! 

THINK BEFORE YOU TALK..or these days they say "GOOGLE before you talk".

-lady-

today

i lie if i say im feeling better today. i lie if i say i cannot do this anymore. i lie if i say i am fine. 

because i am not. 

i got what i want, career wise, but not being able to share it with him, whatever i got seems meaningless. i want to be able to share it with him. i want to be able to get a hug and hear him saying "good job!" or "way to go!" or "u deserve it", but i aint got any, and for all i know, its harder. 

i want to be able to talk to him when i got stuff going on.

i want to be able to discuss my decisions with him.

i want to be able to hear what he got to say about stuff.

i want him to be there and stand up for me whenever i need him too.

i want to hear he says "everything's gonna be OK, i promise!"

i stare when the bus stopped, hoping its him who get off the bus.

i stare at the door, hoping he'll walk in and give me a big warm hug.

maybe i was wrong to depend on him too much. maybe i want to depend on him that much. maybe i am asking for it. 

no matter how hard i try to let it go, it becomes harder to do so. no matter how hard i try to be normal, people can see the sadness in my eyes. 

the sun was out today. as i walked along the street, everything seems weird. its like i was wandering around to a place that i've never been before, when it is the same area that i've been living in for the past 3 years.  

keep looking around. maybe i get to see the glimpse of him among the crowd, because i should be able to, because this is our live, because that's what we do, walking around on a weekend, especially on a sunny day like today.

..but there was none. 

i know eventually, there will be light at the end of the tunnel, but as it is, everything is dark. it was so confusing. how something so beautiful can turn ugly. how something so special turn into misery. 

the wind was so strong today, i wish it took away my sadness..

..and bring me back my happiness.

-lady-

Grieve

so they asked,

"what is wrong with you? dont you have feelings?"

then i answered,

"of course i do, thats why i dont want you to ask."

its like this, will you be there if i start crying at night? NO.

will you be able to stop me from crying if i do? NO.

this is the hardest part of it all...pretending that none of this ever happen!

i just lost my friend.

i just lost my bestfriend.

i just give half of my life away.

so stop thinking that your life is miserable, cause you're not the only one.

no time to grieve.

no time to sulk.

the only time i have is TO GET BACK UP!

someday..

..and that's exactly what i'm trying to do.

-lady-

trying to be strong

i am not strong, but i try. they see me smiling and laughing, like nothing happened. i dont wish they know what im going through, as much as i dont want them to ask, whats happening. i want to be able to get through this with less hassle and with no pain in my heart. i dont want any sympathy. i dont need any empathy.

i hope i am strong enough the way they see me from the outside, but God knows whats inside my heart. only He knows how hard i try to be this strong. He knows what it takes for me to get thru this. i pray everyday that things will change. i pray everyday that He gives me strength to face the day. everyday i keep telling myself "everything will be alright".

my strength comes from my family. my parents always tell me to keep my feet on the ground. its hard enough to be far away from them, its even harder when things like these happened. its gets lonely sometimes, especially at night. times like this i wish i never had to stop working. times like this i wish i was at home with my family. times like this i wish i never fall in love like i used to tell myself before i met him.

it came uninvited, and it left unnoticed.

the hardest part is to get rid of traces that were left behind. the hardest part is to tell your heart that its going to be OK. the hardest part is to get thru life thinking will this ever heal. the hardest part is knowing that this is an avoided situation.

so why make it easy by crying your heart out when everything else is already at its hardest?

i am trying to be strong, its hard, but i am willing to try. i HAVE to try.

after all, my heart is tired.

after all, my hopes are sky high.

the rain will eventually stop and the sun will start shining again.

after all, it is what it is.

thats all ive got..

-lady-

that day

the day finally arrived. i promised myself when it does, there should be no tears falling down my cheek, and theres none. promises are broken. the heart got shattered. the world come tumbling down. theres nothing left to do or to say. it leave behind memories that i will cherish til the day i die.

no ones to blame. no pinpointing. it just happened. we moved on. the world keep spinning. the time keep running. i'll look back once in a while. its good to know that once, it was there. it did happen. things that we do, stuff that we say, memories that we share, were all there. 

so i asked what happen? then i realized nothing happened! then goes the saying "good things always come to an end". as painful as it is, we just say goodbye. we wish each other well. 

no hatred.

no vengeance.

just good things.

also beautiful thoughts.

true love will never go away, it just needs time to heal and grow again. 

true love will always finds it way, like it always does.

-lady-