Happy Belated Mother's Day

Last Sunday was Mother's Day. Me and my mom, we dont always see eye to eye. I think its because of our astrology elements as both of us are fire. I always wanna win, even if its with mommy. I always speak my mind, sometimes its not necessary to do so, especially when you're talking to your mother.

I remember she always picked me up for a dinner when i was still studying back at home and was living on my own (literally 5 mins drive from home), everytime when i asked her to. I remember she staying up all night and waiting for me to come home. The minute she knows im home, she turn off the lights and all, pretending shes already fast asleep. But the fan is still spinning and the telly is still warm. I remember calling her every evening when im at home saying "mommy, im hungry..come home fast and lets go for dinner!"

Me and my siblings, we always have our mom's secret. Her "openly" shopping addictive secrets that sometimes make my dad went crazy. When i say shopping, hers would be her furniture especially. Another was she secretly shopped for some "expensive" stuff, that she sometimes doesnt need it, but just for the sake of it. My papa doesnt know nothing about it, and when he does, she'll go "oh i bought it last time, i told u remember?" NOT!! Well, my papa just play along, i mean seriously? Theyve been married like forever now?! Haha. Dont you think he knows?

But as i get older, i become calmer and more mature. My parents and i, we can talk about almost everything. My mom knows what i do, where i go, whom i go out with and stuff. I find it easier to tell them, just in case you know. My mommy always tell me to go with my heart. Do whatever makes you happy. She'll never say no. Its their mantra "we'll happy, if our children's happy".

Sometimes i wish, i am back at home, with my family, not here alone. But in life, u gotta take the chance, it wont come twice. U gotta sacrifice something else, in order to get something out of it. But i know my mom is so proud of me regardless. After all theyve gone through BECAUSE of me and FOR me, at least i turn out alright. I've got a long way to go, but i know she'll be with me at every steps of the way. She takes me for who i am, she has seen worst, but i did turn out alright after all.

Thanks mommy for every single nag, every single penny, every single minute, every single patience, EVERY SINGLE THING. I could never repay you, only Allah swt will. But i promise you this, for as long as i live, i'll be the best that i can be and i'll do everything in my power to make sure of that.

Also, sorry for being such a rebellious crazy daughter. Sorry for making your life hard at some point. Sorry for all those long waiting nights. Sorry for being such a douchebag. Sorry for all those let downs over the years. Sorry in advance if there are anymore let downs over the next years.

I love you mommy. See you real soon.

Happy Mother's Day to all you beautiful, gorgeous mommy, mumma, ibu, ummi, mak, ma and every single of you strong mothers out there! Thank you for everything.

Mommy's favourite song

-lady-

Last night

Every night looks a struggle

Trying to find the warm side of the bed

Dont even remember the last time it was

Cause it has been cold since the day you left

Winter night is passing by so reluctanly

So long and so desperately unfair

The cold breeze brings your love to me

I can almost feel the kiss as the wind is blowing my hair

Too many sleepless nights that were not oddities

As i wide awake thinking of those possibilities

The future that could repeat the past

This present that i hope will not last

The cold night slowly turning dawn

Yet my body refuses the bed of my own

Alone i reach out for my ciggarette

Secretly wishing it will be the last pack

But it was not the last of those many to come

Just like these lonely nights that i succumb

Tonight i will still light up another

But tonight i hope it will gets better

-lady-

mid life crisis - 1st phase

So i went into Space.NK.apothecary the other day. The plan was to buy A moisturizer, but i got back to the office with more than just one moisturizer, i went back with TWO! The "problem" with people who have serious skin "problem" like me is that i have to keep changing my product. Its like a trial and error process. I've been using all sorts of dermatological products, that's including Dermalogica, Clinique, Murad..u name it! So, i went in, i know i only came for Kiehl's, which works wonder on my skin..AND cheap. So i start asking my favorite question "How can i get rid of these red pores under my skin?".

Then they start explaining bla bla bla, yada yada yada. But y'know, i always wonder like how the hell does this promoter or salesperson does it? how can they be so convincing? i mean, is it like honest opinions, or its just an attempt to lure customers to buy their product. I mean i know they were trained to talk the way they do, like damn believable and all. So this lady start explaining how this one particular product is so good because of the amount of some Retinol thing in it, and that i should give it a go, and then came another one telling me the same thing. So i was like ok yeah, i mean why not right? Then i asked for the price..my jaw dropped! WTF?! Haihh.

Thing that people need to know is that, i don't use expensive stuff on my face, well Kiehls are pretty affordable really. Honest! I NEVER buy any expensive facial products, like EVER, yet this one is so convincing, and i fell for it. It cost me a fucking fortune, well OK, maybe not me, but still. its crazy expensive, so it better work, or i'll fucking hunt them down as my office is just across the street (I LITERALLY said that to them!).

So i bought this ever so expensive and small tub product called Rodial. I told a friend that i bought it, and i said now feeling regret about buying it already. Told him imma check it out on the internet the review now, AFTER i purchased it. Ha ha. I sound like a proper blondie. So apparently he said, its a good product, as he's heard about it before. Well at least that makes me feel less guilty about my crazy fucking "mid-life crisis" facial product. Then i checked out the review, and mostly are good reviews, so by then, i am ok about my purchase, well perhaps still a tiny wee bit guilty about buying it, cause dude, its fucking expensive alright!

 

Rodial Glamtox Night

Also, because it was fucking expensive, and bet they feel guilty about asking an innocent lady with no money to buy such expensive moisturizer, they gave me a FREE Figuier candle, and i dont even know what its for, as in the past hour or so, i cant smell fucko from the burning candle, but a burning candle! Guess they feel so guilty, i even got some free lotion, body shampoo testers from other "exclusive" brands in the store. Its so exclusive, i dont even know what it was that they gave me, but with such purchases, they should've give me AT LEAST half of those available testers for goodness sake!!

Free Figuer candle

Its only my second time applying it tonight, as the salesperson told me to not over-used it as the amount of "Retinol" in the product is pretty strong, and it might has a side effect if i do. Well he bet i wont, i spent fortune on that and to just use it as and when i want? Fuck that! I'll be all stingy with it, make damn sure i will!

Well, i'll let you know if the money well spent or not..i mean it betta! Or i'll go MENTAL!

-lady-

Lady's all time favourite indie movies

i've blogged before about me not liking the idea of watching movies. as much as i hate going to the cinema, i've always enjoyed watching INDIE films. i'll search for hours just to find a good indie film to watch on a quiet weekend night in. sometimes, i ended up watching nothing because of the frustration on finding suitable movies that suit my mood most nights. the last commercial movie i've watched was The Dictator and that was at Zaty's. If it wasnt for that night, you can forget about me watching that movie EVER! mind you, i am not "lacist" u "labbit"! ha ha.   

there's something about indie films that is so intrigued. the creative idea, the honesty in making such films, the flaw in making one, those beautiful under-rated actors/actresses..its just refreshing to say the least. over the years, i've watch lots but i only remember a few that truly captured my heart, that these movies definitely top my favourite indie films..so far (in no particular order)

1. Nick and Norah's infinite playlist

This is cute if you're young and all. Please consider yourself young if you're still in 20s even if you're late 20s, well i DID. Nick and Norah both are into indie musics, searching for new bands, trying to fit in, fall in love, make records for each other..and the rests are history! Kat Dennings and Michael Cera are still so raw here.

2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

I think this is a GREAT movie. Although it has Kate Winslet and Jim Carrey in it, but the movie remains indie. Beautiful piece, with weird storyline too. If only such "machine" does exist, many broken hearted will pay hundreds, perhaps thousands for it im guessing.

Jim Carrey out of his comfort zone

3. Amelie

This is a French movie about..Amelie of course! Audrey Tautou is so cute in this one. She's full of fantasay, but if you're like her in real life, people will most definitely think you're some crazy psychotic bitch. Amelie got away with it, i reckon because she's cute.

Isnt she cute?

4. Big Fish

Oh i LOVE LOVE this one. Another whimsical/fantasy movie, and yet so powerful. I love the effect it has on me, and i love the fact that Pearl Jam got this so right with Man of the Hour. A father who has been telling his son the "unconvincing story" throughout his life, in his dying time, and his quest for the son to fulfil his last favor. Sad but beautiful ending.

beautiful set that

5. Me and you and everyone we know

You gotta have to watch it to understand it. There's no point for me explaining this in words, as you gotta watch this and get the whole idea of the story. I remember watching this and thinking "this is weird but in a good way".

6. Across the universe

Are you serious? You gotta check this out. Its The Beatles for fuck sake, how can you not like this? and Jim Sturgess? He's one fucking hot Jude. Its a musical and romantic sort of movie.

oh mate..looking hot Jim dude!

7. Weekend

I must admit, among the best indie films are gay films. A supposed one night stand turn out to be something else, something so strong and something so genuine. I love how the feelings develop, but i hate how it ends, but still a beautiful LOVE story.

8. Shelter

This was recommended to me by Madir (thanks monkey). I know i kept saying "beautiful" but it is, and this one is no exception. I would love to live in California and learn how to surf. And i love Zach and Shaun, and Cody is such an angel. "Lie to me" suits the movie perfectly!

9. Plan B

What can go wrong when two straight men get together? They fall in love! Bromance alright. This one feels so right. You should never play with people's heart, and you should definitely not try to play with your own heart. One great Argentinian movie.

10. Hello i must be going

One woman and a boy. A cougar and a boy. I dont really know whether its love or whether its just an experimental feelings, but it definitely got me stuck in front of the laptop. Wanting a closure, not wanting a closure. Your call!

So there you go. I am not a movie critics, hence i am not here to give you reviews or even synopsis in that matter. It may not be everyone's cuppa tea, but its mine. Some of these movies are just so good in my opinion, that i actually watch the same ones over and over again until i am done and ready to get it out of my system. You dont expect Steven Spielberg or Quentin Tarantino kinda movies in my list obviously, cause then that will defeat my purpose of sharing my favourite INDIE movies with you.

Well, give it a go if you want to. You might be surprise!

-lady-

How to survive London

....if you're skint, like ME!

I came to London 5 years ago. The plan was to complete my ACCA which i did last year, Alhamdulillah, but instead I got more that what i've bargained for. A stable (but boring) job and my Masters Degree. Let me tell you this, its NOT EASY, when you're proper skint! I am not born with a silver spoon in my mouth. Came from an average family, i know my dad can afford me, but not  forever. When i said afford, i meant to say its manageable, although its tight. Once i got myself a part time job which was around a year and a half-ish later, i told my dad to stop giving me money already. I remember telling my sister that my financial is not good, but i still survived. She told me to ask money from my dad, but i said i will eventually asked if i really cant do it no more. But boy im glad, i never ask money from my dad anymore since then.

Fine, its a bit of a foul play because i have supplementary credit card with me, which he'll pay everytime when i use it. But i know where i come from, so i know what i can afford, and what i cant afford. I wont lie, i am still struggling financially, i am still using my credit card but i live to live. I have my savings now, maybe its not a lot, but i am living. I know my friends probably are fed-up by now hearing me say "aint got no money for fancy restaurants tonite boo!", but i really need to look after myself, and my financial status, despite needing to live. Sorry boo.

So, here's how i survived London so far..

1. Remember where you come from

Some of your friends will probably afford some things that you cant, so dont go and jump on a bandwagon just to follow them, and be like them. I am pretty sure they'll take you for who you are..i mean they will if they're your friends..REAL FRIENDS! There's nothing wrong with wanting to keep the money because "YOU NEED TO EAT AND PAY FOR YOUR OWN RENT"

2. Fancy restaurants are not all good

Try to skip fancy restaurants more often than not. i mean give it a go when its pay day or special occasions or something like that, but dont you think homemade food is better? I am not a good cook, but its so easy to just throw everything in a wok, VOILA..spaghetti Oglio (i used to hate cooking! HONEST)

3. Try and stay in rather than partying every weekend

Fine! i'll lie if i say i dont do this before, but i served my time. should've slow down a bit, but too late now. well its same ol shit. same music, same club. go out once in a while, but not EVERY WEEK!

4. Pound shops

Get a bargain! buy stuff from Iceland or Poundland, or Poundshop, or anything like that. Dont do your groceries shopping at Waitrose for goodness sake? Fine, hands down, Waitrose has the best Grapes..like EVER!

5. Into the shop, straight to the sales section

A friend told me this, well i do it all the time too. But sometimes i just cant wait for it to go on sales, just to regret seeing it along the sales rack in 2 or 3 months later. FUCK!

6. Vouchers

They said, try and get as much voucher as possible. I dont remember how many voucher i received so far. Never try it before, but they say it works! U might wanna give it a go yea?

7. Get the public transport

Arrive in style..with the TUBE! Arrive in debt..with the cab. But then again, if you can afford it, i say why not!

8. Get the best and cheapest contract deal

Try and get the best contract deal (mobile, internet etc)! Switch off the lights when its not in use. Dont let the water run when ure not using it. Turn the TV off when ure not watching it.

9. Dont go out when its not necessary

Its a good thing that i am that kinda person who hates walking, wandering more like, around without a mission. I dont like "lets go and check out Oxford Street..for fun!" Where the fuck is fun in there? You'll MOST likely to spent on at least one thing when u do. So dont succumb to that "out walking for fun" invitation.

10.  Fit in without trying

Being in London, means you're being far away from your family. Mixed around with people that help you willingly. Dont get stuck with people who makes you feel so small because "lots of people in London because they CAN ACTUALLY afford it", and you're one of those whos just hanging on to a cracking ice beneath you. The minute you try to be like them when u cant, you'll lose yourself. If they can buy a handbag for £700, then be it, u stick with that £70 handbag. Aint nothing wrong with that!

i have friends in high places, trust me on this. these people definitely have more than enough money to spent it as and how they wish, but theyre my friends. Sometimes, i know i kinda hafta to tell them that i cant afford to dine at expensive restaurants, or going out twice a week for dinner, and they understand that, and most importantly, they're still my friends. Thanks boo.

Somehow, i earn enough to survived London, and also earn enough to have a little bit of fun, but i gotta have to know my limit.

As long as u know how to control urself financially, ull survive London.

i'll put my money on it, YOU WILL!

-lady-

Dear friend

Dear friend,

How's life treating you? Everything ok?

My life is kinda on hold now. For some reasons, i feel like i'm holding myself back from things. I dont know what "things", but its like theres something out there for me. Something more, so much more, thats waiting for me to grab it, but I just cant figure out what or why or how..

Everything seems to be put on hold, my career, my love, my life..i know i am strong, or at least, i hope i am strong, because thats all that i got left. Think i was meant to settle down here in London for a bit longer, and thats what i intend to do.

You know what, funnily enough, my heart skips a beat while writing this *clueless*

Same old boring job, although i am brave enough to leave but i am not prepare to be homeless in a foreign land. I am supporting myself. Its hard to find other jobs these days, so i guess this case defo is on hold.

My life, well i am brave enough to go across the atlantic on my own, but again, i am financially unstable. I have all these big plans for my family and myself, but at the moment, i am gonna have to live with what i got, which i pretty much mastered it already by now.

Well what can i say about umpy? Hes still away after months and months and months. My love scene is definitely on hold. But i still get our twice a day phone calls..so yeay! i am in no place to stop him from doing what he wants to. i am just his girlfriend, not his spouse. if he cant come back, then he must have good reasons for that. i will leave it to God, cause He knows whats best for me..for us!

Well, i hope your life is just as content as mine. I am not living in a misery, its just that i feel like i need to get out there. Be assure that i will, not now, but one day i will. Gotta sort this mess first.

just love this song..suits the movie and its soothes me

Have a lovely weekends dear friend..

We're alright kids!

-lady-

Those were the days

while i had my ciggie break just now, a group of school kids walked past through me. suddenly theres a smile on my face. for one fine minute, i was happy just remiscing my school days with among the most wonderful people i've ever known my whole life. they were sharing jokes, talking out loud, laughing together, remind me of those days when i was their age...which was years ago in case ure wondering. school days are the best, where the world is less trouble, problems are less complicated and the future..well, was not so bright for me back then i must say..

i am not one of those IT girls in school, i was just happy hanging out with my friends. things cant go wrong when you're young, cause if it is, you'll say "we're still so young..there are lots that we dont know!", which is the truth. i was not trouble then. OK, i lied..i was a wee bit of trouble. had my parents called in once or twice (i lied..again!), bunk off classes AND tuitions, hang around at the mall after school for no reason til 7pm and also some other normal stuff school girls do. i have no ambitions i will not lie, but i always know that i am pretty good with numbers. its just that i know i will do something somehow, something good..something like today!

i was in an all-girl school. so basically, taking a bus home was a good reason to "scan" them hot boys around. i still remember that oh-so-famous Post Office bus stop in town, where both school boys and girls will stop for "lunch". i am not the most famous and most definitely not the prettiest of them all, but a little fun of checking out them boys do you no harm rite? *smirk* well i still remember getting on bus 301 with my dearest friend, Azra. Everytime when we got on the bus, we'll talk and talk and talk, and then fall asleep half way. i still remember how she loves it when the bus driver didnt slow down on the hump. she said that "oouuuhh" feeling is "something" *LOL*.

well, seeing those happy school girls today just make me reminisce things. how life has changed. how far down the line i have come. we grow up, and after all those mischievous things, we all turn out alright. i still have the same group of friends until today, and they will be, until my very last breath.

Look how far we've come..

Look where we were before..

Even way before..

Pure happiness

although i am thousand miles away from all you lovelies, please know that i love love love love you ladies. thanks for coping up with me after all these years, i aint that bad aint it?

Oh happy days!

Our friendship's song

-lady-