hopeless romantic

it has been sometimes since i went on a first date. well come to think of it, i NEVER really have a first date actually. probably because i am a hopeless romantic like that. but i figured that i would love to go on MY ideal first date sometimes soon perhaps?

i am not all romantic queen whatnot, but i can be one if i want to. i always have this idea of my ideal first date. its just that i never really have a chance to do so. it might not be your cuppa tea, but its mine.

1. Hiking

unfortunately they dont have "hollywood hill" in London, but i would love to go hiking on my first date. its interesting and healthy for gym haters like myself. so go on, bring me hiking on my first date will you?

2. Wall or rock climbing

i love the idea of either walk or rock climbing. at least its something to remember somewhere down the line. its fun don't you think so?

3. Night stroll

London is pretty during the day, but its prettier at night. a nice stroll along the Embankment. London Eye and Big Ben within your sight, isn't it beautiful?

4. Take a walk with me

That's all I'm asking really. I don't mean along Oxford Street or anywhere in London for that matter. Surprise me!

5. Paint balling

A game of paint balling is interesting. Always wanted to go for a paint ball, but never really got a chance to do so. Shame! But the idea of paint balling for a first date..hmm, i like that.

6. Teach me how to play any musical instrument

I've always wanted to play musical instrument especially drums, bass and guitar. When I was younger, I asked my dad to send me to a drum learning class, but what i got was "you're a girl, you're not supposed to play any drums or guitars". meh! So come on, teach me how to play a guitar or drums on our first date. I'd love that!

7. Take me to a concert

I love all things rock and roll. So a pair of tickets to watch the strokes or foo fighters or jake bugg or arctic monkey on a first date would be super awesome!

Also, as I'm getting older (young at heart, mind you!), i know what i DONT WANT on a first date.

1. Clubbing

That will be the last time i will ever speak to you

2. Dinner date

Spare that for later will you? I don't want any expensive dinner date on a first date, neither would i want my first date to be at Nandos or McDonald's or Burger King..or worst, the kebab shop!

3. Shopping

I can do that myself. I don't you to come with me on a shopping spree UNLESS if you say "let's go shopping, take anything you want!" LOL

4. Cuddle-ing

If that's your idea on a first date, seriously..KILL YOURSELF!

5. Movie date

First, i HATE movie, second, what am i gonna do in a cinema? well fine, it helps that you will be able to have something to talk about later, but as i ALREADY hate movies, I'm afraid it wont work for me!

Just an idea. Whatever it is, i hope your first date will be the most memorable ones. 

Love itself, is not based on where or what you do on a first date, its how you accept your other half in the best way possible. Sometimes, what you want is not always what you need, or perhaps, not what you will get. 

So love honestly, and embrace it. Let go when you have to. If it meant to be, it will be. If its won't, its not the end of the world, instead, its the beginning of something new, perhaps, something even better maybe. 

Remember, God have plans for every single one of us. His plans will work eventually. Just be patient, and live your life like there's no tomorrow.  

GO!

-lady-

ECO-fucking-NOMY

I'm seeing spider webs on my blog. its THAT long since I last blogged something. 

 

I literally choose the right timing to blog now. Yes kids, its fucking economy! yippie.

 

I've said this once, twice and I'll said it again, that every time when there is a proposed budget from the government, people will start complaining and whining and getting all emotional (sometimes the report hasn't even been presented just yet. shocking!) for no reason. I understand that perhaps some of us need a proper understanding of how economy works in simple terms, but what I found interesting and quite dumbfounded really, were those who complaint and whine are the educated ones, the smart ones, the high achievers, the successful ones, the ONES who quite rightly must've read some books or at least a newspaper to really understand what's going on..no? 

 

please, do call me ignorance or stupid or asshole or full of bulls or whatever that suits your interests, but those who complaint MUST'VE BEEN FUCKING KIDDING ME! Also, I saw one post on twitter about a Malaysian who lives in German and praise the country for being cheap bla bla bla. Those who don't already know, living in German is like living outside of KL in the suburban area. The city is dead over the weekends. And if you're as thick as the fella is, or more like shameless in this case, go on and live with social benefits in FOREIGN COUNTRIES, when you don't even deserve a PENNY FOR THAT! 

 

why are you complaining? you can't afford to pay rm1500 for a house but you do because everyone else have big houses and so you should too!! boohoo. you can't afford to drive a Honda but you want to because national car is "not cool"!! fucking screw you. you can't afford those handbags you bought with your credit cards, and your debts are piling up and you can's afford the petrol because all your money has been wasted on those stupid bags! smart moves bimbo. everyone wants to live like a king, but you're not even a fucking prince! so stop spending like your mom's Queen Elizabeth.

 

if you maybe have time to read newspapers, you'll know that EVERY COUNTRY in the world will experience high living cost due to the countries' spending expenditure for the sake of their people. have you ever heard of saving? have you heard of balance life style? have you ever heard of smart spending? why..clearly not, because if you know you cant afford a mortgage of rm1500, why do you say yes? blaming the bank for what? they're making money out of you!!! they're not stupid. they're called BANK for a reason. savings of rm1500 out of rm2500 salary per month, u must've been kidding me??! pretty sure u went to the university for something right??

 

politicians games. the best excuse ever! don't you ever forget who let you in when everyone else wants you out! don't you forget who gives you educations when everyone else don't care! don't play stupid with me. you don't even know half of the games, and suddenly everyone's an honest and transparent politicians.

 

rather than whine and complaint, don't you think its best that you channel your seemingly overloaded ideas into your daily scope of productivity? what did you get by whining? take a good look at yourself before you simply slam the door shut to those "dirty people" who provides you a good life in Malaysia. it may not be perfect, but it could've been worst.

 

Do you think they'll pity us Malays if not the Malays ourselves?

"First help yourselves, before you help one another" the best life mantra, don't you think so?

 

how does it feel on your arse aye?

 

-lady-

mating season

how does it feel like to fall in love again? do you feel that tingling sensation running through your body? do you smile every time you wake up and before you go to sleep? how does it feel like to fall in love?

 

I have a boyfriend, or maybe I wont be having any soon enough, God knows. Its complicated, but I'll deal with it as I go along. I have people telling me to not wait no more, I have people asking me what am I doing, but what people never asked is that "you really love him that much huh?". Instead I told them because I love him too much. If one day, me and him will never going to work out *knock wood*, then at least there's a piece of beautiful memory that I can keep with me and proudly say I was in love, and its not stupid, to do what I did.

 

but I am no angel myself. I'm a human being like you, I like looking at beautiful things, I love gazing at gorgeous views, I do get carried away. I mean how can I not? I am literally boyfriend-less, except that I do have a boyfriend. I will not punish myself saying what the fuck is wrong with you or are you out of your fucking mind? Well I know, he's doing the same thing. How do I know you ask? Because like me, he too is a human being. We all like beautiful things. I will not shy away and tell you that I never asked "were you looking at other girls?", because who the fuck am I kidding? I don't do it no more these days.

 

I'm going through my mid-life crisis *LOL*. Well, that's a lie. Cause I am just being a girl, who doesn't know whether what I'm holding on to is going to happen or not, but if it does, then I am the happiest girl alive, but if it does not, at least I fight for it. Who knows what life brings us tomorrow? So I've decided to open my eyes, and keep on the look-out for beautiful things and gorgeous views. After all, I will not have a chance to do so when he's back, if he's ever come back. And I call this, mating season.

     

Gotta stop feeling sorry for yourself!
Have a little bit of fun in life.

-lady-

Spread the love

Lately, I've been reading too many unfortunate events, be it here in London, or all around the globe. I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth, neither have I made enough to donate a grand for charity, but its the thought that matters.

 

November has been a children in need month in the UK, where inspirational people who deserved huge recognition have been doing a lot of activities to support the cause. There's rickshaw, there's concert, and its all in the name of charity. These children who has suffered a lot, together with their family, needs our help. You can send DONATE to 70705, and donate £5, or if you prefer to donate other amount than a fiver, you can always check them out at bbc.co.uk/childreninneed.

 

Also, what happened in Philippines broke my heart. Its such a sad situation. It makes me angry knowing that all aids and supports were delayed for unknown reasons. These people queue up for hours for a bag of rice just to be turn away because there are no bags of rice to be give away. If you can, please help them and donate £5 by texting DONATE to 70000, if you're here in the UK. Please check your local news for information on how to help them fast.  

 

Every morning, on my way to work, I always cheer myself up by reading hundreds of unread messages from my whatsapp group, because obviously there's 8 hours different between me and them, hence hundreds unread messages. This morning was a bit different, because I saw a friend of mine was trying to help a friend of her friend, to raise money for her poor baby girl. The poor girl need a surgery for heart failure. The little girl is not even 2 years old. So lets help as much as we can. Information can be found below:

We don't know what tomorrow will bring us. Who knows if we need the same help in the future. Let's hope whatever that we donate, and however much that we can give, will help these poor families to survive the test, and glorified in the end, InsyaAllah.  

 

Lets spread the love by spreading the cost.

 

-lady-

happy spell

I aint gonna lie, its not easy to be happy, BUT also at the same time, its so damn easy to be happy. the trick? your feelings are your choice! you either want to be happy, or you don't! simple.

 

how I choose to be happy?

 

10. I love staying at home when I feel like staying at home. it makes me happy doing nothing. at some point, i do get bored, but happily bored. Bullshits about go out try living for once, and be happy are proper bullshits. If I don't feel like going out, then I will not. Call me boring or whateva, cause I simply don't give a fuck!

 

9. I complaint a lot, cause that's just life. if I bottle it up, it will explode, now we don't want that do we? let go whatever feelings you have inside of you. you'll feel more at ease.

 

8. be nice when you have to, and don't even try to be one when the other party is not. see, I don't do "play nice and people will play nice to you too". bullshit! if you're annoying, then you're annoying. its up to me whether I like you or not, you cant make me like you, like I cant make you like me!!

 

 

 7. gossiping! well, you don't gossip alone don't you? gossiping means chill out with your close friends. do I feel happy bitching about someone else? tell me who doesn't? but what I don't do is to keep it as a secret, cause my memory space is worth more than some stupid gossips. sometimes, friends drifted apart but thats life. sometimes, friends dumped you but its ok. sometimes, friends forget that you need them like you've been there for them, but fuck it. when it comes to friends, be the bigger person, forget it and move on.

 

6. giving people the satisfaction they "desire". especially people who are a bit of a pain in the ass. I will not be raining on your parade mate, but damn you're just so full of yourself it makes me loath you and at the same time, happy watching you glutted with your "desired" satisfaction.

 

5. talking to my loved ones. I live so far away from my family, and currently, so is my umpy. daily dose of talking to umpy makes me happy. we still fight, especially at the thought of our uncertainties. its easy to go out and find a man, but its not easy to find a man who can make you laugh, and cry at the same time. 8 hours difference means I can only talk to my family over the weekend, but its ok, its the sacrifices that I've made because of my own choice. 

 

4. love what you do. I love my job (there's a significant different between my job and my EMPLOYER) regardless. I love playing dress up, I am no fashion student or designer or fashion expert, but I love my wardrobe. I love my music and I love rock n roll, I dance to it at times, like in the morning while getting ready to go to work, or over the weekend while cleaning up. I can feel the happiness in myself when I actually enjoying doing these things.

 

 

 

3. learn to love yourself. I am not perfect. but if I don't love myself, who will. if they don't love you, they're at lost, not you. I can wear 5 inches of foundation to cover up my pimples, and go to the gym to be skinny, but I don't want to. I was born with a problematic skin, and as long as I'm healthy, I don't think I want to waste even 5 secs of my life trying to impress people, let alone hours of make up and gym time. don't get me wrong, I'm not against those promoting healthy lifestyle by going to the gym, I respect you lot for that, but in all honesty, I don't even think about going anywhere but home after 8 fucking working hours. and waking up 2 hours early to get ready in the morning, 30 minutes shower and 1.5 hours to do make up, I love sleeping too much, so I have to passed on that thought!  

 

 

2. its so cliché but its true, be yourself. I mostly don't care what people think about me. cause if I am good at what I do, or if I am good at being who I am, I don't think people will complaint. its common sense. but if they still cant accept me, too bad, cause in all honesty, I really don't give a fuck.

 

 

1. seriously...JUST DO WHAT YOU WANT and be happy about it! Just do it. I saw this one blog, and she said this, and I was like "hell yeah man!". Just do whatever fuck that you want, well as long as you know your boundaries. But the "I wanna wear shorts", but then you're wearing a hijab, like WTF are you thinking? made your mind up! You can wear either or, not both you idiots!! even if its still "i do what i want" thingy, but this is pure stupidity. ure inviting people to judge you, and then complaint! are you THAT stupid? here's the right way to say it "JUST DO WHAT YOU WANT AND BE SMART ABOUT IT".

 

there's no secret in how to be happy. its a choice. you either want to be happy or you want to be miserable. there's time when I do feel sad, but i pick myself up and move on. cause life doesn't wait for you. happiness doesn't come to you. especially when you're thousand miles away from home, life can be tough. but its my choice. and with that choice, i choose to be happy!

 

 

 

true that!

 

-lady-

i love happy ending

don't we all are..

Typical daily acts of happy endings always make me smile..

 

1. while waiting for the bus, across the street, one bus is approaching, and the lad is few miles away. he literally run like that's the run of his life to catch the bus..and he did it! yay.

 

2. walking into the platform, I can see people coming out of the train, so I ran my ass off, and hold the door with my bare hands. BOOM! I am on the train, noticing smirks from other passengers' faces. Fuck you, I didn't asked u to hold the door for me ho!

 

3. the last seat on the train. well happy ending for the one who got the seat, and not so much for the other who has gotta stand.

 

4. was late to work. rushing from getting ready to walking from the tube to the office. got to the office, the boss is not in yet, YES! got an extra one hour sleep, and didn't get caught for being late. is that the best happy ending or what?

 

5. coffee and biscuits in the morning when your stomach is growling so loud that a person next to you can hear it, its embarrassing. got to the office, put the kettle on and relax, everyday morning happy ending before the day got shit-er..

 

     

oh happy days...

-lady-

if it aint broken

well, then don't fix it....right?

 

I feel like I've been living in a limbo. Life, it takes me where I have to be, instead of where I want to be. I did roll away my stone, but I aint got any luck just yet, na'ah! am I complaining? hell yeah! do I give up? fuck no!

 

my life, it aint exactly broken, its just..it aint complete yknw! it would be easier if everything's given to u on a fucking gold plate. since mine is not exactly on any plate for that matter, well it needs a whee bit fixing alrite! but what people fail to notice, is that how far I've come. People talk like they know me, people judge like they know me when what they know is my poker fucking face!

 

but hey! I don't five a flying fuck about that. say and judge all u like, cz haters gonna hate, and fuckers, well they're fucked! my heart, they're not necessarily big yknw, but believe it or not, its big enough to share it with everyone else. but problem is, people come and go as they like. well I don't mind about these people if im being honest, cz theyre going going gone right, but my confusion lies on people who come as they want and leave u hanging, and suddenly come back. I don't get these people. If you come back to me everytime they fucked u, and I am the one who always stick around all those while, and u still thought that the other side is greener, by all means, think so! but don't be all touchy when Im being a bitch, cz man, u don't deserve even a little tiny bit of my time and respect, so be glad u get some of it even!!

 

I am me. you take all of me, or u take none!

told u, it aint broken, fuck u I aint fixing nothing!

 

lets talk!

-lady-

guilt

its a bad feeling.
its almost like a disease.
its the worst feeling ever in the world.
although some of the guilt are for our own good, but it is still guilt.

how to live without guilt?

I don't know cause I am learning myself.
But the harder I try, the worst it got.

Like, no matter how hard u try to not feel guilty especially when you're doing it for yourself, I still felt fucked! Like "what the hell am I thinking?" or "why am I being so selfish?" which is not fair for me, but I just cant help it, which is shit!

While other shit I did that make me feel guilty, were just proper shit. Its more like a line that I'm not supposed to cross, but I "accidentally" did. This guilt is a disease! Its worst like there's no where to turn. You cant take it back, no matter how hard u try. It will stay there, forgotten and forgiven or neither!

I need to blogged it out so that I can let go all of these burden on my shoulder. But obviously NOT what cause the guilt. Will not get into that, but yeah!

There's skeleton in the closet. Everyone have that skeleton hiding in some closets somewhere, and for some, its best to just locked the closet, and throw the key away, so far away that you'll never find it again ever.

So who are you to judge others? Who am I to judge you? While the smart ones will hide it, there will be some who will brag about it. If its too much to take, talk to someone who you trust the most, because its always best to let it out.

Guilt. If only its as easy as those five letters.

-lady-

suicidal..easy way out, or is it?

its an act of a selfish coward, who thinks of no one and nothing but him or herself only. worst is that, you're not just a coward, but also brave at the same time which confuses me! how brave of you to take your own life and yet not brave enough to face the world. all you have to do is walk with head held up high.

 

how selfish of you to only think about yourself thinking "if I die, everybody will be happy!". how pathetic is that? RIP those miserable souls, but for those who is courageous enough to hanged himself, or cut your wrist, or swallowed a bottle of painkillers, well get this, SCREW YOU! 

 

You have families who love you and friends who adore you. You also have a roof on top of your head, enough money to eat something good, a job that is not as good, but its enough, how the fuck is that miserable, I will never know!

 

With all these saying there is no other answer, there is no sense of belonging, it is pure laziness! You let yourself drift away, you let the demon inside you win, and its not even a losing battle. How dare you tell people that they don't understand how you feel? How dare you tell people that it is the only answer for you? How dare you make people believe that it is ok to say OK to suicidal? HOW DARE YOU! You have no right to think, as you OBVIOUSLY don't think when you decided that you'll commit suicide.

 

Family that you left, friends that you knew, other people that was part of your life although is not as important, you left them questions that they don't even know where to start. You are wrong to think that this is the only way that you can think of. You are wrong to think that its OK to commit suicide. You are wrong to think that life is not worth living.

 

You have no rights to let people who were once part of your life feel miserable because you've committed suicide. You have no rights to think that people don't care when you don't even care to ask. 

 

I am angry because how does one soul that someone knew little about and yet felt the pain of what you did to yourself. They don't have to feel sorry for you, but they do. They don't even have to think about you, but they do. Why would they think about you when you don't even think about yourself? You made them miserable, you made them feel like shit, and yet you dare thinking by committing suicide, things will all be OK, well news flash..YOU'RE WRONG!

 

I will CONDONE suicide. I will not agree that people don't understand how it feels like. I will not agree that there is no where to go but to die. No one tells you that life is easy. No one tells you that everything is within grasp. No one tells you that shit happen and sometimes, it won't go away. But everyone will tell you this, that there will be one point in your life, where you will feel like everything's against you, but they too will tell you that it will eventually be OK, because believe me it will.

 

Get help! Fight the demon inside you. No one says its gonna be easy. But take a look at yourself, you're perfectly fine! If you don't think you are, believe me there are millions more who are far worst than you. Look at your parent's face. Imagine how heartbroken will they be, your brothers and sisters. Look at your wife, your kids. Imagine how distraught they will be. Poor kids have no idea who their dad is. Poor woman is left widowed because you're scared to face the life that was given to you by God Almighty, and believe that you will at least try and die a peaceful die.

 

Talk to your friends. Talk to your loved ones. Go out and smell the air. Its beautiful out there. Anything can go wrong, but what is life without obstacles? What is victory without sweat and blood? What is sun without rain? If you're brave enough to commit suicide, you're sure brave enough to walk proud and face the evil world.  

 

Because one day, things will be OK. Believe me, and I promise, that it will all be OK!

 

there's always light at the end of the tunnel..

-lady-

what exactly do you want?

EVERYTHING really! right?

But do we need everything? Not necessarily. 

I have my family who loves me..although they're far away, but its my choice.

I have an amazing man who loves me..he too is far away, not my choice..but it is what it is.

I have friends who love me, or maybe not, but as far as i'm concern we do care for each other.

I have a roof under my head, not a big one..but its still a shelter.

I have food to eat, or fancy ones if i want.

I have a job, not as fancy, but it does support me.

I have nice clothes, nice shoes, not as expensive, but its good enough.

So what else do i want? Thats about it really.

NO! because im a human being like u. We always want more, even after we got what we want, that's one nature that nurture inside of a human brain, and its normal.

Well I have my days when i thought, why don't i get what i want? why do people get what they want even if they dont need it? I start feeling shit, start feeling sorry for myself. I start being ungrateful. I start feeling all those unwanted feelings that you could possibly think of. Its crap. I shouldn't be thinking that way, but days like these will unfortunately come every once in a while.

There's also days when i thought, ive been blessed. not everyone gets to live a life like i do. do what i want, and most importantly get what i want. I enjoy living. I am grateful having the chance to live the life that i want to live. I start looking at things in a different view. I always think of positive things.

But at the end of the day, nothing lasts forever. I know it and you know it. But I don't get YOLO! Its such a stupid things to say and live by. And because its stupid, you tend to do stupid things too. So YOLO, and you can get drunk and wake up in someone else's bed? So YOLO, and you can try a "line" and forget about it tomorrow? 

You see, even though I get what I want, I now need what I want.

I need my man by my side, not thousand miles away.

I need my family around, not across the globe.

I need a better job and a better pay.

So when I'm feeling down, i feel like everything is falling apart. But when I'm feeling great, i feel like i have got everything that i want, although i still want more. 

Satisfaction is not easy. Sacrifices are not easy either. You can choose to be selfish and have everything, and end up losing everything, or choose to be grateful, and believe that good things will eventually happens.

God has plans. His plans are always PERFECT. Make no mistake.

Most of the times, we forget to thank Him, and most of the times, we forget that we don't necessarily deserve good things that happen to us. 

Why you ask? Because, just how much do you give Him in returns of His plans for you?

 
call it whatever you want. it is what it is.

-lady-

Arab Spring..we're guilty as charged!

I just cannot contain myself any longer. all these innocent pictures of our dying Muslims brothers and sisters, young and old..dont we have a heart? dont we care no more? why is it happening what is happening?

i will not lie, my eyes, they're watery, my heart, silently it breaks, my fears for these innocent people..is hopeless! small person like me, one small person like me, could not change the world. but millions more of small person like me will.

if only i can find a way to make it go away.

if only i can find a way to make it all stop.

if only i can find a way to make it all better.

No, God is not cruel for letting things like this happen. He knows what Hes doing, but we don't. Do we do anything to make it stop? Are we just gonna stand here and watch? Its our fault. We let it happen.

Because when this happen, elsewhere, people are trying to do things that are ridiculously not important. Why are they busy trying to clear the avoidable landmines in Angola? Why are they arguing about nuclear weapon that no one ever see it..like EVER?  Why are they trying to save two stupid drug mules who we know by now, will do anything for money? This three occasions, aint KILLING NO ONE. Not even one soul. That landmine can be avoided at every cost, so dont come to me and act dumb!

How can you look at those innocent dying child's face without feeling guilty?

How can you look at those suffering men and women who have lost their family without feeling sad?

How can you look at those war without feeling angry?

I tried my best to not look at pictures posted everywhere on facebook about this cruel intention, and worst, when this was done by their own people, the "American's puppets"! Money and power take over sense of humanity, among their own brothers and sisters. 

Americans are smiling. Leaders that were supposed to protect them, turned their back on them. 

If I know what to do, then I will, but I dont. 

I am sorry I have let you down.

But no prayers are stronger than those to Allah swt.

That is all I have. 

I pray to God to protect those innocent souls.

I pray to God to make it stop.

I pray to God that we will all wake up and smell the coffee, for this is not about those Arabs, but this is about humanity.

If theres nothing else that we can do, we can always pray and Allah SWT will listen.

Just believe He'll listen, and believe that He knows what He's doing.

Surah Ar Rum (30:5) In the victory of Allah . He gives victory to whom He wills, and He is the Exalted in Might, the Merciful.


Wallahualam.

-lady-

  

you're so Asian..

*drum rolls*

1. No matter where you go in any part of the world, you'll end up on a look out for Asian food instead of trying the local food.

2. You're enjoying your bubble tea when everyone else is drinking Starbucks. So Asian.

3. You HAVE to at least have one of those LV or Gucci handbags. its a MUST! its like a competition really. the more monochrome the better. boohoo

4. You love outlets..admit it you do! more than 50% of shoppers at shopping outlets are Asians. FACT!

5. Done with the shopping bit, you'll then queue up hours and hours to claim the VAT.

6. You or your mom will pack every single RARE raw foods in your bag when travelling out of your country i.e. belacan (shrimp paste)

7. No matter which type of Asians you are, people will still come up to you and say "ni hao", and you'll either confusingly reply "huh?" or "i am not chinese" or "fuck off". choose! LOL

8. You tend to speak your own language to another Asian, although these Asians might not be Asian of your own type, like i got a "ni hao" ALL the freaking time. 

9. Somehow, at some stage of our life, we tend to take pictures with a peace sign. dont ask, cause i dont know why. 

10. You're so kiasu like. Apparently for some reasons, this kiasu behaviour slowly develops into each and every single Asian i know. its just one of those Asian things? LOL *example: long queue for a freebie*

Why ure trippin like that?    

Im an Asian myself, and you're damn right I am allowed to make a fool out of my Asian self.

So chill out now my fellow Asians.

Asian bitches be like *peace sign*

da da do da da do da da da da do

-lady-

a year ago today...

 

-lady-

midnight wandering mind

it is past midnight, and you're still wide awake. usually during this time, what goes through your mind?

based on my observation, human being is at it weakest before they go to bed. those few minutes, perhaps hours before you finally fall asleep, are the loneliest and scariest place on earth. how i wish once i put my head down on my pillow, it will take me straight away to the dreamland, but that's not always the case. when counting sheep doesn't help, your mind start to wandering elsewhere. its that time of the day where you start to think of the worst.

i start to think of all scary possibilities like where will i be once I'm dead, what will happen in the afterlife, how is life after death, how does living forever looks like, so on and so forth. these thoughts are scarier when you're "not ready". i hate having this thought. i hate the thought of not being able to be with my family anymore. how does the world looks like up there? 

then you're scared of the dark. i am not scared of the dark, i am saying those who are. you already have these crazy life and death thoughts, and then you have the current crisis and not being able to to blink because you're so scared of the dark. those who believes in ghost, and believe that "if i open my eyes, the ghost will be there. it will strangle me to death". double trouble that!

aint gonna lie. everything come straight to my mind when i cant sleep. its a normal thing, that u tend to think about stuff, uncertainties, plans, futures when your mind is wandering, but when it wander to the darkest place that you don't want to be, that's where you get all nervous, sad, scared..all at the same time. and all you want to do is close your eyes and go to sleep, hoping everything will be OK tomorrow.

i hate this part of the day, late at night, when you cant sleep, no matter how hard you try. my mind will start wandering to places that you don't wanna be. then I'll start worrying. then I'll start feeling sad and scared and depressed, all at the same time.

so when i cant sleep, i'll recite as many Al-Fatihah as i can, as many Ayat Al-Kursi as i can, trying to force myself to go to sleep. it definitely helps me to calm down, from having all those scary thoughts. but some nights, its just difficult to stop worrying about the worst, because its a reminder to myself , that life is too short to not ask for forgiveness, too short to not start repenting, too short to forget that the world is only borrowed. For who knows what tomorrow brings us..as for some, tomorrow might never comes! Wallahualam. 

1 In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.  
2 Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds,  
3 The Beneficent, the Merciful.  
4 Master of the Day of Judgment,  
5 Thee (alone) we worship; Thee (alone) we ask for help.  
6 Show us the straight path, 
7 The path of those whom Thou hast favoured; Not the (path) of those who earn Thine anger nor of those who go astray.

Good night love!

-lady-

name game

if these names aint making u numb, u too mustve been using such names before. this is like my "sweat the small stuff" kinda thing. weird name, weird spells, weird everything and are plain annoying. for all u know, its not even close to creative, its STUPID!

Numb3r5 & 5ymb0|$

- y3s! d0 y0u h0n35tly think th1s is CR34TIV3? l3t m3 t3|| u th15..HELL NO!

Its not your name

- so stop dreaming. your name is definitely NOT Diana Knowles, Mrs Gosling, or Dr Dolittle. NOT COOL!

UpPEr LoWEr

- whats that? like WHAT THE HELL is that? why cant u type like everybody else? wHy dO YOu hAve TO wAStE yOuR TIme tYPinG LiKe THis? I DON'T BLOODY GET IT.

Name and Nouns

- they shouldn't be put together VOLUNTARILY..NEVER! what i mean is, DianaCute or SuperhotDiana or DianaLovesYou. Oh God no honey, NO NO NO! its very distracting and MISLEADING. Imagine me having HOT in my name..and i turned out obviously nothing close to hot. dhuh? embarassing right? huh!

Mizspel

- the ever so famous things some dumbasses are doing right now. the fuck with "ew" at the very end of every words? THE FUCK? I cant even type an example for it cz its just embarassing to do so, and i dont know how to use it..neither do i wanna learn how to! So i found these examples from http://emilayusof.com/2011/11/kempen-bahasa-malaysia/     

"Aq suker makan nasi lemak jeww"

"Aq xsuke owang yunk gedikz"

Stupid names

- Goodness gracious me, i saw this one lad has this as his instagram's name and spell it like this..exactly like this "V4g1n4_m4$t3r" i was like? you freaking serious dude? VAGINA MASTER? the name itself is absurd! the way it is put together is..stupid! nothing's right about the name..but why? imagine if ur parents are reading those.

so if any of you have your names as stupid as these, i aint apologizing! screw you. its just dumb. whats wrong with the name that your parents give you? what is wrong with the correct spelling? cant get my head around it really.

well hey, its a name game..WOOHOO! 

-lady-

urgh..you're so annoying!!!

These people are annoying..through and through! Go away already..

1. Stranger who talk shits

I've never experienced this before, but ive come across it few times. While some people might find it very intriguing that strangers just come up to them for a chit chat. Ure lucky if hes not a dickhead, imagine someone who talk random shits and its a big fat lie. Even the eavesdropper..ME, finds it annoying!

2. Shopping bags on show

This is PROPER annoying. Like must u? I dont wanna be raining on ur parade, but honey, my Topshop shoes are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay prettier than your Ferragamo. And for all u know, tonnes of people around u too have Prada bags..tonnes of them! So stop insta-ing, FB-ing or twitter-ing ur handbags, ur shoes, bla bla bla..cz its dead annoying!

3. Selfie

Ive blogged about this before, but this is just too annoying it has to be part of this. We've all done it before, admit it, but those stupid selfie..are totally unnecessary honey! Captions like "waiting for this fella", and then your whole face on instagram (why oh why), or "i am sick" and then a selfie with one hand holding ur nose, while another is holding the camera/phone (bitch pelase).

4. Make fun of other people at their expense

This annoy me the most!! "Brainless" people who comments or responds on things that are not even related to them. Some people on my facebook hate TV3 so much, that i think abundance of his sins came from useless swearing at a "thing" called TV3. Why do you people have to be so aggresive? I mean, joke about it fine, but quite honestly there are other better things to do like..change the channel, or turn off the telly? And then this one vidoe about a "baby" who's declaring her love to her "puppy"  on some video. She's just a BABY! Leave her alone, but no..u went all out and bombarded her with bad aggresive words..which i dont quite get why!

5. People with no manners

Excuse me, Thank You and Please are the three easiest "magical manners" and its free, and yet people still dont know how to use them, and worse, they DONT WANT to use them!

6. Bitching on the social network

Bitch better be ready cause im comina getcha! is that not funny? exactly! why are u expressing ur dissatisfaction on the social network when u can get straight to the point to her/him. grow some balls, and settle it man to man..tits to tits! get out of my face u sour bitches! *bitchiness among foe*

7. Me Me Me

Oh God no. Please mercy me. Stop talking about yourself, over and over and over again. Stop saying that its ok to do so. Stop saying that other people should get a life if they cant handle u. Well honey, i'll tell u this, even u cant handle urself "mememememe" bitch shut up! So get a mirror, and wipe it clean so u can see it crystal clear alrite?

8. Not smart and yet very arrogant

..and they dont even know it. How is that possible u asked? It is possible my friend! They tweet, they preach, they talk, they posted on their status..goodness me! Another memememe but in a different persepective. Its ok, trying to help or motivate people, but the way ure doing it, is wrong mate! This is being people, when u dont know something, ull afraid to asked, but now that u know a little bit of something, suddenly ure a genius and everyone is wrong but ur idea, ur opinion and ur thought! My advice, keep it to urself, less sin for u, and less hatred from people to u! 

All you nuisance people..jog along now!

-lady-

roll away your stone

so here's how i got my cold in the summer..MUMFORD AND SONS!

 I didn't get it at face value..but WTH!

Paint my spirit gold..
 

yes, they're the reason for my crazy weird cold during the summer. no one gets cold during the summer. no, its not hayfever, i am having a proper cold! but i dont mind, for the best gig of the year, get cold, bunk off work for a day, meh! nothing that.

I am excited for two things. ok im lying, one and for one thing only really! for Mumford and Sons obviously?! not very excited about going to the Olympic Park for the first time honestly. but i did took some crappy pictures of the stadium and the sculpture..for souvenier?

Olympic Stadium

ArcelorMittal Orbit

so i got there at around 3pm. its scorching hot. people were sunbathing like we're at the beach, except that this is fun-ner cause we're at Mumford and Sons'd gig. yay! i was so excited. i went there alone. yup, ALL ALONE! somehow lots of people never heard of Mumford and Sons. The fact that they won Grammy's album of the year, but hey, i dont think these people even know who are the Black Keys even, or Jack White, who also happened to be in the category for best album of the year for Grammy. That aside, so i went there alone..unprepared! not quite unprepared, but more like, packed and unpacked and go..and regret! i left my mat and blanket at home, when i've already packed it the first time. 

 Scorching hot

hand-picked opening acts were just as good as mumfies. edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros, haim, ben howard, vampire weekends..they were all superb! it was so hot during the day, i can almost feel the burning sensation on my skin. but little did i know, the minute it got darker, it started to get a bit cold, and i can actually feel it in my bone. i start regretting not having my jumper with me, but its too late by then. 2 hours jam packed gig by mumfies at the end of the night, whole day of sitting and standing and dancing and jumping, of hot and cold, is taking its toll on me. so by Monday night, i resigned! i need to rest for two reasons, to get well, and to start fasting on Wednesday, so i took a day off on Tuesday, and sleep all day, all night! 

Vampire Weekends's A-Punk

but it was worth it! people who has been around me lately, will know that i love this band too much. they were great! they sounded exactly like they were in their record. its simple and yet mesmerizing. its perfect. despite the fact that 1 hour walk to and from the tube station. then get held at the tube entrance because its full. by the time i got home, my knee..its as good as done! i dont think it can stand for even 5 more seconds. eat my dinner, and straight to bed.

for what it worth, i might never get another chance to go to their gig again! for what it worth, i was not at work on Tuesday, finally a good rest!

 

 The Summer Stampede with Mumford and Sons by Gentleman of the road..FIVE *****

Thank you for the best gig ever!!

-lady-

so what do you do today?

i am sick. my throat is burning. my eyes are red. my nose is stuffy. my head is aching. i am wheezing. i am coughing non-stop. i blow my nose every now and then. i was at work today. i am fasting today. 19 hours. hot weather does not help at all. but its Ramadan. so i do what i have to do..so what do you do today?

there's not one people not asked me "why are you having cold in this weather?" "why are you fasting when you're like this?", and the best part was a stranger who told me to brew some ginger and "bottom-up" the ginger juice. do you think i choose to fall sick in this beautiful weather? do you think i choose to fall sick during Ramadan? why would i want to pay-off my fasting days when i can fast with everyone else?

i am sick! i have the right to not fast. every single thing in me today, tick all boxes for me to not fast today. i can easily get dehydrated. keep spitting out my phlegm. keep blowing out my nose. keep coughing. my head is spinning. its 19 hours and my throat is so dry that i had to keep telling myself to not reach out for the water. its summer. and it really IS SUMMER. 

but i did it. i fast! so did you? congratulations if you do! shame on you if you don't. so what could your reasons possibly be? its between you and God? I'll pay my fast later? Its too hot? Its too long? People around me is not fasting? Its such a good weather to not have a picnic or BBQ with friends? I am not ready? I just don't wanna fast? I am far from home, my parents wouldn't know? Your parents don't make the rules. God makes the rules. I am a modern Muslim, i dont do things "ancient backward" Muslims do? I am in the UK, who cares who fast or who's not? Brilliant! imma give u 10 for being honest and -10 for being such a dumb ass!

I swear on my late grandma's life i never "cheat" ever. I fast because i feel its my responsibility to do so. hands down, i pray but its not perfect. I am not wearing a hijab. I do things that I am not supposed to do. I go places I am not supposed to go. I am a sinner, but at least I know I am and not proud about it. Fasting, only ONE MONTH out of twelve months. What have you got to lose? 720 hours of fun ONLY, out of 8040 hours. 

SHAME ON YOU! Letting go of easy pahala like this. 

SHAME ON YOU! Wasting a chance of going on a diet without even trying. 

SHAME ON YOU! Calling yourself a Muslim. 

SHAME ON YOU! For all the things that He's done for you, you can't even do this. 

SHAME ON YOU! Dont you dare ask Him for anything else, if you cant even do this for Him, you have NO RIGHT!

Look in the mirror, and ask yourself..why cant i just do this..This could probably be a good start..to everything! Think about it..

Salam Ramadan 1434H

May God bless our ibadah..insyaAllah

-lady-

just how i want it to be..

folk wedding.

i've always loved folk wedding. i asked my sister to have one last time, but it was impossible to have it done the way i like it (for my sister's wedding, haha). so i guess, i'll have one when i get married later, and that's if i ever gonna get married. 

i want a simple wedding dress, and i think those who knew me well, will know that i've always wanted a simple wedding dress. it has to be white, cream, pale pink  or vanilla..and a touch of small flowers. i am still considering a train, but without a train, the wedding dress, will now look like a normal dress. maybe a touch of simple and yet elegant train. no excessive patterns, normal lace im thinking. messy hair.

the bridesmaid will all wear a summer dress with a touch of floral headband. i'd prefer if they wear a cowboy boots, but im guessing not a fucking chance! haha. so the choice are theirs.

venue is the most important part of a folk wedding. if i cant get a garden or a big park, i'll wait for it to be available i swear! the interior MUST be perfect. because folk wedding is so simple, it has to be PERFECT. the yellow hanging lightbulbs. those wooden chairs and table. the big tree. the sunset. the mixed colourful bottles. hanging ballons if you want to.

my wedding will be an intimate one. i'll only invite close family members and closest friends. i dont want to have to say "Hi" to hundreds of people that have no idea what i'm doing for living or when is my birthday or worst..whats my full name!

i'll have folk musics all night long, and folk MUSICS ONLY. i could play mumfies on repeat if i want to, cause its my wedding day. for one night only, just pretend that y'all like country/folk music and dance along with it. it will be magical. dancing to folk, under the moonlight, surrounded by trees, hanging lightbulb and most importantly, to be with people that you want to celeberate your biggest day with the most..it could not get any better than that!

that venue is perfect. the whole thing is perfect. whats missing in this video is my wedding day..

its just how i want it to be..about when? or how? or where? only God knows..He'll decide whats best for me..let us all wait shall we?

-lady-

things that turn me off (and other woman too?)

this is MY DEAL BREAKER..no matter how rich or how smart or how good looking the lad is, if he's as fucked as a slapper..or one of these, he can say goodbye already!

1. Everything smelly

- smelly feet, smelly armpits, smelly breath, smelly clothes..everything smelly. dis-fucking-gusting! feet spray, deodorant, chewing gum, perfume..have u heard any of these before mate? NO? u lying twat. well someone will come to me and say "i love the smell of my men's sweat" bla bla bla, then let me tell u this..not everyone is as LUCKY as you are!

2. Messy room

- messy room or messy house turn me off big time. dirty and a mess, takeaways every where, not a sight of empty bins, dirty laundry and mountain of unwashed dishes, dirty bathrooms..yucks!

3. Big-talker

- if its bigger than your dick, then u better shut the fuck up! no matter how good looking you are, once a douchebag, always a douchebag. ure a big NO NO..

4. Horrible sense of style

- how a man dress will caught my eyes FIRST! but ya better watch out, some men of these types, are usually full of themselves, but its better than wearing a hoodie on a date..right? but also, these type of men means they're making an effort, which indirectly mean they're not one of those lazy bunch!

5. Men who gossip

- "ladies", lets just leave this to us girls ok? NOT COOL! in my opinion, u can gossip all u want BUT do it with ur girl. because to do so with ur mates are just horrendous. seriously, men who gossip need to get a life!

6. Rude boy

- i aint no Rihanna, so i hate boys who show no respect to others especially to the elderly and women in general. for me, it goes down to even the smallest thing like giving ur seats to those in needs.

7. Men who refuse to pay

- u have got to be kidding me! oh no, dont u dare come to me and talk about equality. split the bill is fine, but to not even volunteer to pay the bill is a big turn off for me. whats worse, to let the girl pay the bill for you? u need to grow some balls dude..bigger ones than u already have!

8. Men who "pretend" to act cool

- compose and "pretend" to act cool are two different things. in short, just be yourself! if she likes you, she'll like all of you really..even if ure a dickhead (that poor girl).

9. Serious men

- this type of men should not even allow to walk on the street of life! its called life for a reason. i cannot stand serious men. yes, sometimes u have to be one, but to be like that 24/7..wow, ur life must been sucks hard!

10. Trying to be funny

- ...is not funny! This gets me on my nerves, especially when ure trying to be funny at the expense of others. gheez, ure pathetic. if ure not funny, then ure not! im pretty sure there's something about u that exciting rather than trying to be funny and then fail..

yours might be different. some of you might put not rich enough or not educated enough as your deal breaker. well my advice to u honey, go home and kill urself!

 

deal breaker

-lady-

break-up shit bla bla bla

too many movies, too many dramas on the telly these days. in this case, im talking about movies and dramas with break-ups. some of them make breaking up looks fairly easy, while others making it look horrible! reality? well, some of them handle it rightly, while others just drown away and away and gone. 

i dont believe in break-ups on the telly or movies in that matter. its bull-fucking-shit! breaking up is NOT EASY! moving on is NOT EASY. people around you just have to say shit like it will be ok, just try and be happy, in order to lift u up back again..and thats the truth! i am not trying to make it harder for it is already a hard situation for u, but its not easy. its not easy to move away, let alone to move on from something that uve been clinging on for so long. different movies will show u different ways of handling this crap situation. but none of them, really help, but YOURSELF! 

live your life. cry if you want. feel shit about yourself. locked urself out from the world. shut ur mind. do anything u want that YOU think will help make u feel better. i dont know. anything that YOU think will help u. breaking up is not easy. it will never be easy. once u give ur heart to someone, u may or may not get hurt, but ure literally "registering" urself for the "heartbreak club", thats if ure unlucky, but thats life. but then again, not every relationship will end up in tears and heartbreaks, because some are just as beautiful. 

break-up is shit. so what i do? i'll tell u..

1. go out and meet some friends

- believe me they will talk and talk and talk, ur body is there but not ur soul. but at least it makes u forget about the pain

2. cry all u want

- dont afraid to cry. its part of life. plus, the body doesnt need excessive water. lol

3. keep urself busy

- work work work. shop shop shop. read read read. or blog blog blog..like me *smile*

4. dont let people around u feel sorry for u

- i just dont see the need to ask for sympathy, i really dont. tell them whats up and thats it.

5. dont jump on the bandwagon

- do it ur way. help urself up. slowly but surely, ull get there. theres no short cut. theres no fast track to it. its part of that journey in love.

also, heres what u DONT do..

1. dont call him and beg

- call and talk, YES! call and beg, NO! there can be hundreds of millions of reasons why people break up, some are mutual, some are in the heat of time, some are just stupid. so by all means, call and talk about it if u must, but dont beg. have some dignity! it will work out if it meant to work out..

2. dont "eat" ur pain away

- some people tend to eat and eat and eat when they're sad. honey, ure supposed to get ready to hit the town again in that cute red sexy dress, not looking blotted like a drum!

3. dont give up on love

- God created us all in pairs. everyone was made for someone. so relax. if ure 30, ur man may still be in his mom's womb (i got it from some random quotes on facebook. LOL) 

4. rebound is not an option

- please dont do something that ull regret once uve sober up! its just not worth it. 

5. dont u dare blame urself..EVER

- this is the mother of all DONTs. dont u ever dare blame it on urself. dont even try go there. even if u went and come back again! well if ure a dickhead, u mustve known that u deserved it. but if ure not, then believe that things happened for a reason.

quite honestly, theres no right or wrong in handling a break up. its up to u how u handle it. take ur time and move away from it slowly, before u can move on. u cant force love..both falling in or out of it! its that part of human emotion that is so difficult to understand. but u have to learn to crawl, before u can walk. like u gotta have to learn to lose before u can love.

"you will not love, if you're afraid to fall"

lets hope one day we will meet again..

-lady-

its complicated

it is complicated indeed. ure young, ure confused, u want everything, u want nothing, u dont know, its just COMPLICATED!

1. i love him, but i like someone else - u twat!

2. i dont love him, i just feel sorry for him - oh is that so?

3. i like him..a little bit - A LITTLE BIT?

4. i just dont wanna be alone..so i say yes to him - how old are u..7?

5. i just want to be loved and wanted..i dont like him though - lets get u a mirror shall we?

6. hes my back-up plan - YOU ARE his back-up plan, how about that ay?

7. its all about sex ONLY - dont forget to wear condom!

8. hes rich, so i love his money..not him - mothafucka gold digga

9. hes just my accessories..u know? - oh no i DONT!

10. but he's willing to do anything and everything for me - i feel sorry for YOU, NOT HIM!

REALLY? get a grip and made ur mind up! either ure in it or u dont.

is this you shes singing about no?

-lady-